Little Nothings

Journal Entry From The Plane

2010-09-28T16:48:00.001-04:00

“As the plane took off from the Xi’An airport, the sound of soft crying could be heard. They were not the tears of a college student heading toward a new year in the big city. Nor were they the tears of a scared young person starting a new life in Beijing. No, they were the tears of the red head from Michigan, bound for her native country.

I don’t cry because I am leaving the city of Xi’An. I don’t cry for its markets, it’s fountains, the ice cream everyday, or the exciting night life with people out dancing!

I cry because I leave behind me dozens of faces I am going to see in my thoughts and dreams, everyday for the next year….and many more to come.

I cry because, even with my ipod playing, I can still hear the sobs of a little boy just two months out of unneeded surgery, who is never given any pain killers.

And though it is just a photo I look at, I get lost in the deep sad eyes of the baby who stole the biggest portion of my heart. And I realize that even if my hearts desire comes true and we are able to make that little girl part of our family for good, it is a long way in the future!

I have to return to the States.
I can’t keep every child.
And, as hard as it is to swallow, I cant help every little life that needs rescuing.
I can’t even do much to help all the ones I have met!
But this knowledge does not make the truth any easier to deal with.

So. I cry. “

A whisper to your soul "You're not alone"

2010-05-24T22:31:00.000-04:00

Photo Of The Day

Random Muffin

Its down to the wire now! Blackhawks face off against the Flyers for the cup! Hockey is coming to an end for this season! :( Sad. Hockey play that is! Then there are the hockey awards and the draft still to come.

The preseason starts in September! :) I just found out too, that one team is holding part of their preseason in CHINA! Shanghai to be exact! I will have left the country less than a month before they begin their games in the Asian city! Wonder if it is too late to have my ticket date changed?! ;)

I am Sid the Sloth!

2010-05-22T22:29:00.007-04:00

Photo Of The Thursday

Photo Of The Friday

Photo Of The Day

Random Muffin

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Is this a fall?

2010-05-19T21:19:00.002-04:00

Photo Of The Day

Random Muffin

Lately, I have found how cool it is to go back through all your old CD's and music. It has saved me some money in the past week or two! I wanted something 'new' to listen to, just to add to my current playlist. Instead of buying a bunch of new stuff, I have just ripped some of my old CD's to my iPod. There are some real gems in there! :)

I've seen hard times and I've been told
There isn't any wonder that I fall
Why do we suffer, crossing off the years
There must be a reason for it all

I've trusted in You, Jesus, to save me from my sin
Heaven is the place I call my home
But I keep on getting caught up in this world I'm living in
And Your voice it sometimes fades before I know

Hurtin' brings my heart to You, crying with my need
Depending on Your love to carry me
The love that shed His blood for all the world to see
This must be the reason for it all

Hurtin' brings my heart to You, a fortress in the storm
When what I wrap my heart around is gone
I give my heart so easily to the ruler of this world
When the one who loves me most will give me all

In all the things that cause me pain You give me eyes to see
I do believe but help my unbelief
I've seen hard times and I've been told
There is a reason for it all

Where there's a will.....put me in it!

2010-05-18T20:54:00.001-04:00

Photo Of The Day

Random Muffin
I found out yesterday that I have six vertebrae in my lumbar and only three in my sacrum. {Rather than the normal five and four}

How would you like to have a name like Antti Niemi? Gotta love hockey names, eh?

I had a dream last night

2010-05-15T23:57:00.003-04:00

Photo Of The Friday

Photo Of The Day

Random Muffin

Dear Mr "No Name" X-Large Triple Triple. You have the next two mornings off, as do I. This leads me to believe it is a good idea for you NOT to visit the store....as I am not around to do damage control! Return for your coffee Tuesday morning at 7:10 as always. Thank you! See you then!! ;)

Someday I will stick with something

2010-05-13T21:55:00.003-04:00

Photo Of The Tuesday

Photo Of The Day

I still take a photo nearly everyday....but it does no good if I can't get them on my computer, uploaded, and posted! *sigh*

Random Muffin

Here is a Mad Gab for ya'll!!

Aim Us Key Tub Height

Heres the thing

2010-05-10T22:05:00.003-04:00

Photo Of The Saturday
{Yes, I know, I forgot to post. Well, not really forgot...I just was not able to that night because of a bunch of things!}

Photo Of The Day

Random Muffin

Israel's strength and consolation, hope of all the earth Thou art;
dear desire of every nation, joy of every longing heart.

Born Thy people to deliver, born a child, and yet a King,
born to reign in us forever, now Thy gracious kingdom bring.

Oh!! I forgot.....

2010-05-07T22:21:00.001-04:00

Photo Of The Day

Random Muffin

*phone rings, a guy answers*

Him: "Hello?"

Me: "Hello, is this Muffin?"

Him: "Yes! This is Muffin!"

Me: "Hi, this is Carm."

ACTUAL conversation I had on the phone today! Strange life, eh?

Bring On The Rain

2010-05-06T21:03:00.002-04:00

Photo Of The Day

Random Muffin
You would think that a strange, and often random person such as myself, would have no problem whatsoever in coming up with a Random Muffin each and everyday. WRONG!

Still working on learning how to say "Thank You" in 10 languages.

I'm gonna call you headless Jensen!

2010-05-05T22:21:00.003-04:00

Photo Of The Day

Random Muffin

All Through The Night

{the song in the link above can be saved to your computer. It is a free gift from "Straight No Chaser" for Mother's day.}

Today starts my training for Bring Me Hope Staff! Each night, I have to find a different place to sleep! Tonight, its the living room couch. So that also means waiting till everyone else is ready to go to bed! :D China's not to far away now!

Im sorry...you are?

2010-05-04T22:26:00.003-04:00

Photo Of The Day

Random Muffin

Ever had a conversation with a wrong number? {doesn't matter if you dialed the wrong number, or they did.} It can be fun!

"But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed." James 1:25

Should some trial, it claim my life. At once I'll stand, on streets of gold.

2010-05-03T18:21:00.001-04:00

Photo Of The Day

Random Muffin

How do you think vegetarians feel eating animal crackers? -Joe

Yeah, thats not forboading or anthing!

2010-05-01T23:20:00.002-04:00

Photo Of The Day

Random Muffin

Random | Define Random at Dictionary.com

Random Define Random at Dictionary.com: "ran·dom /ˈrændəm/ Show Spelled[ran-duhm] Show IPA
–adjective
1.proceeding, made, or occurring without definite aim, reason, or pattern: the random selection of numbers.
2.Statistics. of or characterizing a process of selection in which each item of a set has an equal probability of being chosen.
3.Building Trades.
a.(of building materials) lacking uniformity of dimensions: random shingles.
b.(of ashlar) laid without continuous courses.
c.constructed or applied without regularity: random bond.
–noun
4.Chiefly British. bank3 (def. 7b).
–adverb
5.Building Trades. without uniformity: random-sized slates.
—Idiom
6.at random, without definite aim, purpose, method, or adherence to a prior arrangement; in a haphazard way: Contestants were chosen at random from the studio audience."

I am a poor, wayfaring stranger.

2010-04-30T23:35:00.002-04:00

Photo Of The Day

Random Muffin
I saw two really good movies today! They were completely different from one another, but both really good in their own right!

First, Kade and I went to see "The Losers". Good thing there were only 5 other people in the theatre with us, since at one point I burst out in a really squeaky and high laugh! Loved the movie! Check one thing off my list of things to do before I head to China! :)

The second was a movie sent to us by my brother. It was called "Crossing", and is a Korean film. Along with being a well acted, well scripted, to the point and horrifyingly honest movie, it really made me think about some things. By the end of it, I had to go outside for a bit and pray and cry over my kids, who I miss very much. {True, my kids are Chinese not Korean, but the movie brought up some issues that made me think of them.} I am so very tired out from the hard cry I had, but I am feeling better now.

I thought that I was sleeping with eyes closed tight.

2010-04-29T23:25:00.000-04:00

Photo Of The Day

Random Muffin

Tis better to remain silent and be thought a fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt!

April just wants, a lazy Saturday....

2010-04-28T22:13:00.002-04:00

Photo Of The Day

Random Muffin

And Jesus looking upon them saith, With men it is impossible, but not with God: for with God all things are possible. Mark 10:27

Here we go!

2010-04-27T21:21:00.002-04:00

Photo Of The Day

Random Muffin
"Thats a hockey, you know? Its only, its only game! Why you hev to be mad? He's a good guy. He may be trying to leave here because here in ve nobember momfs is minus thurtee two. Could ju 'magine? Its a 8 momfs, 8 momfs in da year snow! Hold on, hold on, I not finished. Ya, here is like north, north pole! Oh, in my home town right now, its plus, plus seven, plus seven...rainy. Uh...Usually now its like plus two minus five, like that. All weenter! Hold on, heresa minus thurtee two! Itsa, I guess, twenty, twenty, twenty seven degrees differance! Yah."

Will NEVER fail to make me laugh! Go Gittem Bryz! On your head!

When I'm awake all I dream about is seeing your town.

2010-04-26T21:20:00.002-04:00

Photo Of The Day

Random Muffin

First of all, there is a good reason for the no post on Saturday! After getting home from work,I pretty much only got out of bed to grab my IFC, and then for dinner! The rest of my afternoon was spent with as little movement as I could do! In order to have posted a photo, I would have had to get up, take a picture of something, and then upload it. That is a ton of moving when even rolling over to the side hurts! lol I figured, hey, I am the one that decided to post everyday. No one made me, so I can skip it. I'm sure no one is going to care if they do not hear from me for a day. Right? Right! Hence...no post on Saturday.

As for the 'real' Muffin of the day, the photo kinda already says it...but I thought I'd repeat it just to be clear! :D I want to make and collect as many hand made scarves and wash cloths as I can to take to the kids at camp! I think it would be awesome for them to have something that was made just for them, and something that can be useful and helpful/healthful, something else to remind them once camp is over that they are loved. I can not make any promises, but my hope is to take pictures of the kids with the scarves so that I can then share them with the makers, to let them see who now has it. Thats the plan at least. Wanna help?!

Going off Random Muffin track a lil bit...how is everyone?

Whats in a name?

2010-04-23T21:56:00.002-04:00

Photo Of The Day

Random Muffin

The start of my 'Before China' Bucket List

Go to the movies with Kade and use my Christmas Gift card for AMC.
Hang out with Becca K
Go on a late night trip to Meijer!
Have my bosses over for dinner.
Take Gramma to Sonic
Get a 24 at work!

To be continued........

If I can not fly, let me sing.

2010-04-22T21:33:00.004-04:00

Photo Of The Day

Random Muffin

Todays Muffin is a LINK! A beautiful job done by a Korean couple on "All I Ask Of You"

Silly Gravity

2010-04-21T21:39:00.002-04:00

Photo Of The Day- there isnt one! Why? Cause Twitter won't take the photo I sent it for some reason. Its taking FOREVER to post the thing, and I just can't wait any longer. oy

Random Muffin

I have to carry a shot of Epi with me no matter where I go in case of an allergy attack. It is suggested that you check often to make sure the medicine inside tube has not gone bad. This is done by holding up the injector so that you can look through the window given, and make sure the serum has not turned yellow or cloudy.
So how smart was it for the manufacturer of one of my Epi-pen to put the little window on one side with yellow sticker on the other?

I know, it's done, for me, if you steal my sunshine

2010-04-20T21:49:00.004-04:00

Photo Of The Day

Random Muffin
When my friend came to see me at work today, he told me that shortly after I return from China, he will be moving out of state for school. I gave him a hard time, saying that was sad that I would then not be able to ever see him as we pretty much only ever get to visit when I run into him at his work. {The store we use to work in together.} He asked me what my future plans were, and I explained about being in China longer this year to see how things would go as a House Mom, in hopes that I will soon move there and make that my job. I then had to go take care of a customer, but when I got back his first words were "So wait now. You are going to give me a hard time for moving out of state for 2 years, but you are going to move to the other side of the world? How does that work?" HAHAH!!!

I see the moon and the moon sees me.

2010-04-19T20:42:00.001-04:00

Photo Of The Day

Random Muffin

For Christmas, I got a $25 movie card. I have yet to see it. There just has not been any movies out that I think seemed good enough to use it on. HOWEVER, I do wanna use it before I head out of country for the summer. Sadly, Despicable Me comes out while I'm in China. I'm thinkin The Losers looks good, and that comes out later this week I think. Not sure yet though. I don't wanna just use it for the sake of using it. I want it to be a GOOD movie. HHmmm.

Oh yeah?,,,,,well....your team is ugly!

2010-04-17T22:43:00.003-04:00

Photo Of The Day

Random Muffin

Today's Random Muffin is a reader interactive Muffin!! {And the crowd says "YAY!"}

{This Muffin brought to you by/thanks to the Hulu show "If I Can Dream"}

How do you think you would handle living in a house that was fully wired to 50 cameras, broadcasting live online 24/7? Would you be cool with it? Would it be fun? Would it freak you out? Would you never dream of doing such a thing? Do you think I am crazy for even posing such a question?

K people....let me hear YOUR side of the muffin.

And You Don't Even Know My Name

2010-04-16T21:50:00.001-04:00

Photo Of The Day

Random Muffin
This thought has weirded me out many times!
People don't only exists when you are thinking about them, or talking with them. Every person you have ever met goes on to have a day to day life even if you forget you ever saw them. Those people you see on TV, they are somewhere right now having lunch, driving a car, taking a nap, or reading a book. Wonder what you are doing as I type this now!

I know we're growing older now, can you imagine what that will bring?

2010-04-15T17:34:00.001-04:00

Photo Of The Day

Random Muffin:
I had a sad thought today! Four months from now....camp will be over!!! :(
Better thought, I leave for China just over two months! *gigskweeks!*

Think about it, where do they go?

2010-04-14T16:10:00.001-04:00

Photo of the day

Random Muffin:

“Tomorrow is a new day, with no mistakes in it.”
Anne from Green Gables

More Updating

2010-04-13T21:02:00.003-04:00

I’ve not been updating my blogs because so much has been happening and I have not been able to give it the proper time I think it all deserves to be fully described and detailed in every glorious little detail and tidbit.

So I’ve decided to give up.

No, not on blogging, but on blogging the big stories. At least for now.

I have decided to post one photo to facebook everyday, and along with that, I will be posting one ‘Random thought/idea/tidbit/quote’ of the day as well. {Though, instead of that long title, it will be called “Random Muffins’ } This might be something that has been on my mind, or something that I heard, or something I’m thinking of that might not make sense to a single other person on the planet! :)

Why? Because it makes me feel important! :P

Photo Of The Day

Random Muffin:
I wanna be a hockey wife.

The adventures of Ozzie and Kade

2010-02-08T14:22:00.003-05:00

We have a new Facebook!!

Look to the right of this post, and you will see a new facebook badge that has been added. This is for the shared site I have with my sister. Not only will we post about all the stupid and fun stuff we have done in the past as the dynamic duo "Ozzie and K-Dog" but we will also keep you up to date on our SoOk trip. This means that once the time comes and we have left MI for the East then South, we will both be posting new photos, videos, status updates, and tid bits of info to that page. It will be the best place to follow us on our journey and see where the crazy two are!

YAY!

Training: All Is Well

2010-01-22T20:42:00.000-05:00

Wow, what a day. When it boils down to it, I really think today was one of those 'training days' for me. When it finally dawned on me, I had to laugh about it, and my outlook on all that was happening suddenly changed.

I hate having to call off work for any reason, and so even through battling Pertussis {whooping cough} this entire month and a very painful run in with flax seed this week, I have been at work every day.

When I arrived at work today, I had no idea that we were going to be two people down, and that the owner of the store was going to come to work. My shift today was suppose to be my short one of the week, with me leaving at 11, but when I saw that the co-worker who was to be there till 1 had been one of the two absent, I knew it would not be long until I was asked to stay. Sure enough. Before 9 in the morning I was approached by my boss to cover most of the shift, vacant due to a sick call. Because I was expecting it, I was not angry, but the irony was not lost on me. Still sick, I was being asked to cover for someone else not feeling well.

Before getting sick with my flax seed reaction on Tuesday, my plan had been to stop by my boss' house with a surprise that had arrived in the mail that day. Not able to manage a visit to their house while they were home and I was free, I had decided to forget trying to get it to them off the clock and instead took it in with me this morning.

The irony grows.

I was asked to cover for someone, and then was going to give a gift to the one asking me to work more! As I told my boss, I was rewarding him for punishing me! :D

Throughout the rest of the day I was encouraged more and more that I had done the right thing by NOT being angry, but agreeing to stay even though I had really been looking forward to my 11 o'clock put out time!

How is this a training day, you ask?

This is my mission field training. My little China babies are not going to know or be able to care if Jie Jie is not feeling well today and would really rather sleep in! They are still going to need to be loved and cared for. And I am going to have to be able to work through being tired, ill, sad, lonely, and hurt {emotionally}.

And even Scripture tell us to bless them that curse you. Now, I am not saying that I am persecuted at work, or that it was a curse, or that it is my prison! However, my mission field is not only on the other side of the world. While it might seem a smaller scale, here is also my field, and I have to be able to show Christ in everything I do at home as well. So though it is a much smaller scale, perhaps taking a gift in for the person who will then ask me to give more than I was willing to when I woke up, is good preparation for what is to come.

Even if my future is not in Asia, I have no doubt that in some way this month has been the begining of my field training. MAN is that exciting! :)

At one point in the day I found myself singing "All Is Well" a Daniel Kirkley 'update' of the amazing hymn "It is Well With My Soul"

All is well, day is done
Purple skies, crimson sun
A whisper Gods still in control
All is well, with my soul

All is well, storms are gone
I've been tossed but life goes on
My prayers were heard
And your promise holds
All is well, with my soul

Dark winds blew
To temp and test
But Lord in You I find rest
I did not fear for You are Lord
You made it clear that I am Yours

All is well

All is well
For in Christ
Should some trial, it claim my life
At once I'll stand
On streets of gold
All is well, all is well, all is well
With my soul

2010

2010-01-01T21:14:00.001-05:00

It was pointed out to me a week or two ago, that my blog has not been updated in oh, awhile?! heh. It’s been some time.

I have begun a post 87 and a half times in my head, like I often do. Things just never seeemed to get to the keyboard. I either always felt like they were too insignificant to blog about, or too important to take only a few moments on, or just could not find the time to actually dedicate to a proper blog post. Well…then there is the laziness factor. Yep, sometimes I really have to say it just came down to being too lazy to post anything.

However, given that it is a new year, I thought it a good idea to at least show some life is left in my blogs, and post an update of some sort or another. Since it has been all the way since September since I last hit the “add new” button on these things, the 87 and a half test writes have all but melted from my brain!

So much has happened and changed since I got back to the States many months ago! So much, in fact, I really don’t even know where to start or what to say!

Perhaps the next 87 and a half times will actually make it into a blog!

Hope everyone had an awesome start to their 2010!!

Until next time….I’m out!

Xi'An, Wa ai ni!!

2009-09-06T20:16:00.000-04:00

My second two weeks at camp were just as breath taking as the first two, but in very different ways!

Thankfully my flights did not have much trouble and I made it to my next city with little problem. Of course, there was the fact that I did not really have to take that silly plane trip, but I didnt know that when I got the ticket! It would have been much cheaper, and probably faster {there were no tickets right to Xi'An from where I was, so I had to first fly past and go to another city, where I had to trade planes and then fly backwards to get where I was going.} for me to get a train. As it turns out, staff from the Xi'An camp had actually made the trip to Xin Zheng to spend the night and pick up kids at the local orphanage to bring them to camp at Xi'An. I could have traveled with them, had I known about it, but I am glad that I got where I did when I did, so it all worked out in the end.
Right away, I met the director of the Xi'An camp, as he was the one that came to the airport to pick me up. It was a nice ride to the camp. It was nice to have a chance to talk for a bit too. He gave me an idea of how camp was going at that location and I gave him a rundown of my first two weeks.
Soon as I walked into the hotel where we were staying, I was greeted by a “Are you Carm?” and when I answered yes, the asker said “Well, I just got a text from Becca she said to give you a hug from her, so here.” and I was then given a hug. I could have cried right then. It is rather interesting to look back once you have been through something, to relive the first moments. When I first met everyone there, just like at Xin Zheng, I could have not had any clue how much they would have all meant to me. They all did such a wonderful job of making me feel comfortable and back at home in the new setting.

For week three, I had a little boy named Liu Chong Yang. When I asked if he wanted an English name, he said yes so I asked if I could call him Louie. He said “You may call me Liu Chong Yang.” and anytime I gave another option he just repeated that I could call him his entire name. Heh. That week was a challenge for me. Out of all of them, it was the hardest one I had. Some of what made it a struggle is rather hard to put into words, or I just don't want to because it sounds bad! It did not seem my translator liked me, our little boy, or much of anything other than her cell phone and room mate. It also turned out to be a really great week as far as teaching me things and lessons learned. The Lord really used that time to remind me I had some patience problems that I needed work on. On top of the communication problems I seemed to have with my translator, Chong Yang was sick for the entire week. The poor little guy came to us with a stomach virus of some sort, and also had a bad case of car sickness. Sadly, at this camp, we had to drive to any of our activities....so before we could go swimming, do pottery, or play at the fountain, we had to take a drive of no less than half an hour. The poor little thing would throw up almost the entire trip. He loved the pool though! I felt rather bad when I was unable to join him in the pool on the second visit due to things beyond my control, and had to ask a staff member to watch him for me. {My translator did not want to enter the pool again.} Thankfully, Chong Yang liked guys better and so I think it was a bit easier for the male staffer than it might have been for a girl....but he was still a handful! He was not a bad kid so much as one that really like to push the limits and in many cases he was a normal little BOY! If you have ever spent much time around an 8 year old boy, you know how much energy they have and can understand how it might be a bit hard to keep an eye on him when you are not able to call out and give advice or commands or such! :D It was fun though.

In week four I had a family of four again! My translator was such a cutie and she and I had such great conversations. She was a lot of fun. Our girls allowed me to give them English names so that it was easier for me to remember what to call them. {It is a suggestion that is given right away, and when Dora, our translator asked them if they would like English names both said yes.} Just like with Brooke,I asked them what they liked best, and what kind of a name they wanted. The older of the two said she wanted to be named something to do with winter. I had met an amazing Chinese staff member at my previous camp, whos name was Icey. It seemed perfect and I thought it would be cool to give her a name sake. The younger one said she liked the autumn time.....and of course you have a name right there so she became Autumn. I asked them if they would give me a Chinese name and they named me Xia Tian, which is Summer! :) As a family we had so much fun! They were both so well behaved and were very loving and open to being hugged and loved on! Good thing too since both Dora and I loved to pull them each into a big hug at times! Icey was such a big help too! Early on we could tell that she was the one that looked out for the younger kids, Autumn being one of them, and Luise {their room mate} being another one. She made sure that both girls had their shower taken care of, hair brushed, clothing in the right place for the next day, and all ready for bed in the proper manner and time! It was uncanny how much Icey reminded me of Brooke, everything from her motherly ways with the girls, even down to her looks! I often had to keep myself from calling her Brooke! One day, on the way back from lunch, I asked the girls if they liked ice cream. Icey {Who often spoke for the both of them, as Autumn was a bit mentally behind and did not say much.} said they liked ice cream and had eaten it before. I was a little saddened, I will admit, that it might not be as much of a treat as I had hoped {she made it sound like it was something they ate often, which I found a little strange, but you never know!} but I asked if they wanted to get some anyway. They both agreed and each picked out a different kind when we arrived at the corner store before heading inside to get to our next scheduled activity. After her first bite, Icey's eyes got big and {through Dora} she told me she thought ice cream was something else, this she had never had! But she liked it a lot! It was cute.
Autumn did not speak much, but that does not mean she did not communicate! I grew very attached to her, very quickly, and found it very special when I was told it was believed she was part Indian {As in from India, not American Indian} I felt that God had given me my India right there in China! Soon, she began to mimic me and some of my 'silly' actions. She would place her hands on her hips and pucker her lips the way I did when I was pretending to be upset with her throwing a ball too far away for me to reach. Often, after giving me this little gesture, she would break out into a huge smile and laugh, or say I love you in sign language. {Early on in the week I taught both girls what it meant, and told that was how I would be able to always make sure they knew I loved them, even if we were across the room from one another, or the music was too loud. It became one of our families favourite things to do.}
When we put them on the bus, saying goodbyes, and giving last hugs, both girls had the same reaction as the rest of my kids over the past three weeks. They seemed ok with going back, and did not cry at all or anything. After they got on, I went around to the back to stand near the window where Icey was sitting {She too had a bad case of car sickness and said it made her feel better to sit near a window.} it was then that it hit her, I think, that Dora and I were not coming with her and that she was leaving. She began to cry then, as she told us both she loved us and handed us balloons she had blown up. It took a long time to get the rest of the kids settled into their seats and ready for the trip, so we just stood there watching each other, holding hands through the window, and giving each other the English sign for I Love You. I am told she cried for most of the trip back to the orphanage.

I miss everyone so much now. As busy as work keeps me, I still find I have far too much time online! I am trying very hard not to be a nuisance to the friends that I made, and so I do not write to them as often as I want to! Lol. If it were up to me, I would talk to them all everyday still!

I miss my kids, and they come to my mind at odd points throughout the day. Something will remind me of them, or I hear their names, or I see a child that looks just like them. As much as that can make me sad, I hope that does not change. Both in the instance of the kids and the friends that I made. I want to stay in touch with everyone who became so important to me there, and I want to always have a love and longing for my kids in China. When I think about it becoming easier to live without everyone I met there.....it makes me more sad than when I realize most of them are hundreds of miles away from me right now! The Lord taught me so much through all of them!

I miss you all. I love you all.

Recap one

2009-08-18T23:29:00.001-04:00

How do you sum up a month of memories, feelings, ideas, and experiences into a blog? This is what I have been struggling with since I returned home a little over a week ago. I have had a hard time getting it all across when I tell people about it, using the same words “It was amazing!” every time when asked how my trip was. That just does not cut it. I know I could do more than one blog post, but even in more than one I am just not sure how to express what it is I want to.

I have yet to ask my family if they have noticed it, but I feel I have changed.

Keeping up with my normal ways, I started a journal when I went and got about one week into camp before I stopped updating it.

Anyone that got my email updates knows my flight into the country of China was an eventful one, and not all happy. Yet as soon as walked into the cafe in Xin Zheng, at the SIAS school where I would spend the next two weeks, the entire past day and a half melted away....and I was home.

The first week, I had two girls. Maggie is nearly 18 and is such a smart kid. Annie, my 17 year old buddy of the week was such a sweetie. I was not sure how the week was going to go, having two girls not even 10 years my junior, and who both spoke English! It was a pleasant surprise to get along really well as a family, and find things that we could help each other with or learn from one another even though we were not the typical BMH family group. We became so close, in fact, that we gave our family a name. Angel, Maggie, Annie, and I called ourselves the Glory Family. It was also this week that I met little Jennifer. She was one of the roommates of my girls and translator, so I spent a lot of time around her as well that week. She stole my heart, along with the hearts of many others there!

Week two saw challenges of its own, but turned out to be no less of a blessing than week one. The story of my little Brooke broke my heart and made me want to do nothing but hug her all week. That was not possible at first, as she was not comfortable with that much contact right off the bat. At our very first meeting, it was decided that instead of hugging her every time I saw her, which would have been my first choice to show my affection, I would hold her hand. You can imagine then how wonderful it felt when, by the middle of the week, she was grabbing for my hand and as she looked up to give me one of her winning smiles. Her Chinese name is Wan Jun, but when I asked if she wanted an English name she asked that I pick one for her that had something to do with water. After choosing Brooke for her name, my translator told me that her {Alyson, my translator} Chinese name meant Spring. How perfect is it then that my name means garden/fruitful? Don't those names fit perfectly? This week was really about the relationship with my translator, I think. We had an amazing long conversation after life charts one day. There were tears, lots of tears. It is something I am still in prayer over, and I'm looking forward to the program BMH has for keeping in contact with each other after. {It is set to start in a month or so and will give us topics to discuss and help us stay in touch, or at least open the door for you to start more.}

The staff at Xin Zheng, or the SIAS camp as I always called it, was fantastic! We had so much fun both with the kids and just as a group. We went on moped rides on the weekend, and hung out in the computer room, had wonderful conversations till early in the morning, and laughed a lot. When it was time to leave, I took it pretty hard.

{Stay tuned for recaps of weeks three and four.}

Just purchased my tickets

2009-05-06T23:45:00.002-04:00

My how things can change in less than two weeks!!

Ticket prices went up for my flight to China, and I found out I had to pay for another trip inside the country. Due to these factors, I will not be able to afford the side trip at this time, so that will be done later. {My older brother got a job with VOM and will not be returning home in September as we had hoped. Dad, Mum, and the kids will be taking his things to him while us older girls are gone so Kade and I had wanted to go visit him at his new place. While the ticket prices were down, I could do it all for less that my budget, which now I am going to be pressed to get all of my China travel done for the money I have/will have.}

HOWEVER, I am still very sure this is where I am suppose to be going, and I KNOW 100% this is all in His hands, so if I have anymore troubles with money I know it is going to show up in the right amount of time! Don't think I have ever spent that much money on one thing though. That was a new experience! Mum and Kade were right next to me as I hit the 'purchase' buttons, for support and all ya know! :D

It is now midnight, way past when I said I wanted to go to bed! hee. There was a game tonight and it went into overtime. Then I actually did go to bed but something told me I should get up and search flights, and since my laptop was next to my bed it was easy to do. It was then I found the prices were starting to creep up again, and felt it would be the right time to buy them.

I am excited! As Kade said "Now you really have to go." {no returns on the tickets allowed. Guess that means that if I end up not being able to pay for camp by the deadline, I am going to be in China by myself for a few weeks! lol}

Silver Leaf starts the same day I am to leave Michigan and ends the same day I am to return. {KOI picked the RIGHT year to be the first they are not there, since I will not be able to attend at all.} There is a countdown on the website for openeing day, so I go there to see how long I have till my big adventure begins. {and I do mean big. You should see the flight plans I was sent. MY WORD. And that is not even counting all the fun and hubbub of camp. tee hee!! I always have done things big haven't I?}

How many days do I have?

65.

Thanks to all that have been praying about this up until now, but please do continue. I still have some money I need to raise and a deadline to have it by. {I know I can have the money by the time I leave, it is the months time I have to earn it right now that is at all a worrysome problem for me. And even then, it is only a fear when I take my eyes from where they should be.}

The first time I spoke to the director of Bring Me Hope, he told me he didn't know how many volunteers would be there in 2009. I replied with "Enough." as I knew the Lord would send as many people to the camp as would be needed. This is the same attitude I am using towards the money and deadline. I will have 'Enough' when I need it.

Is this what it feels like to be a 'big girl'?

Its fun! lol. {Still would rather have Gill deal with it all, but that should come later....perhaps}

Now it really is time for bed. Thankfully I do not have to be to work until 2, as I am working the closing Mall shift. However, I have gotten little sleep in the last few days and I do not see much in my future after tonight. {Was up for work at 5 Tuesday, didn't get a nap in like I had planned, walked 2 miles, went to bed at 1:30am after the game, got up at 5 for work on Wednesday, got about an hours worth of a nap in, and will be staying up for a game Thursday night that has a 10:30 start time. I may not be the coolest person, but I sure know how to fill a day, don't I?}

Ah, the things we do for the stuff we love.

Thursday plan:
Sleep...work....watch Ducks smash some Sweden to D-town, red tinted transplants.

God is good! :D

Updates

2009-04-27T12:28:00.001-04:00

Hey,
I know I have not been my usual blogging self...and that is not for lack of things to say, just for lack of the motivation to write them. This is a very sad fact, as there has been a lot going on.

I got to go to a Stanley Cup playoff game in Detroit last weekend {as in the 18th of April} and it was so much fun! I got to go with Kade and Mum, the latter of whom had only just been to her first ever NHL game not two months before! The team I was hoping to win did not in the end win, but it was a very enjoyable game anyhow.

Savings for China are coming along SWIMMINGLY!! In fact, as things stand right now, I nearly have enough for all of it, and have even been able to tack on another small trip at the end. {meaning I will be flying somewhere else for a few days after China} I am very excited for all of it and can't wait for the time to get here.

Now that the sun seems to be shining more often, I am going to be able to get back to my walking, wich is a very good thing indeed. My back has been hurting a lot more and I have been having a harder time getting rid of it. This can, and DOES, often put me in a not so good mood, or just shorten my wick a bit. Somedays I don't even notice it really. It is not until after I have blown up at someone that I realize things are not right, and it is then I feel just how much my back hurts that day. {NOTICE: I am NOT saying this gives me the right to be in a bad mood, for those of you reading this who have been on the recieving end of one of said blow ups.} The weight also complicates things with my PCOS which is really not good. Things were so much better when I was at my lower weight, and I am in a very big hurry to get back to those days! heh.

Work has been hard to figure out. lol. One week I am told I will no longer be working at the mall, then I am told I will be again but only one day a week rather than two, then one of the mangers from the mall is moved back over to our 'stand alone' store and another co-worker is moved over to the mall. It is all very back and forth.

My plan when I woke up this morning was to head out on a long walk right away, pick up something to eat, and just walk for a nice long time. However, things changed so now I am going to eat here, and THEN take off for a long walk. It should be a nice time, as the sun is VERY bright today.

My Bring Me Hope weekend.

2009-04-01T12:01:00.002-04:00

As for how the savings go.....

2009-03-01T01:07:00.000-05:00

Three words

2009-02-18T22:36:00.001-05:00

Two

More

Sleeps!!!

more animals

And we count

2009-02-18T00:19:00.000-05:00

Since it is after midnight there is now only......
Wednesday
Thursday
Duckday!!

Guess what!!

2009-02-16T21:40:00.000-05:00

more animals

Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Half of Friday.
Thats all I have to wait.
Booya!

Hockey here I come.

A big mess

2009-01-04T22:43:00.004-05:00

You know how, in order to clean UP a mess, you have to make a bigger mess? Yeah...well, my problem is I get to where the mess I am cleaning up has gotten way bigger, and I decide I no longer feel like cleaning.

This is where I find myself at this very moment.

The hockey game was not televised by either team tonight, so we ended up listening to it on the radio. {meaning I was pretty much lost for 73% of the time, as I do not do well listening to a game.....I need to watch it. "Wha? They got a goal? When? Who was on the ice? How did my D-man do? He got hurt? When? Ha ha, biscuit!" yeah...it is not a pretty sight. This is why I love Center Ice. But anyway!} So as I was listening to the game, I began what I thought was harmless pick up of my desk. However, in order to get the trash heap off my desk and put in the proper places, I must clean out those places from the trash that I piled in them the LAST time I cleared off my desk.

Somehow, this lead me to not only cleaning off the top of my desk, but also the containers I have on one of my desk shelves, all the little drawers and such on my desk, AND my shelves in the furnace room. At this very moment, the bottom shelf of my desk is empty with everything laying on the floor instead, I have an entire garbage bag full of junk to be taken out in the morning {"Or....probably not." Yay for hockey related quotes at 11pm!} I have found the necklace set I made for a friend......a friend I see very little......a friend who was here just a few days ago and yet I managed to NOT be able to find it while she was a here, I have about three years of letters and cards from one of my best friends, all nicely filed and in order now, the furnace room shelves are reorganized and looking good.....but my desk top is a mess.

My desk top is a mess, and I want to go to bed.

But I have a pile of stuff behind me that needs to be put away.

A pile of stuff I have been ignoring for the past twenty minutes as I visit all the usual sites, update my status at facebook and myspace, check hockey scores, and write a useless blog.

A pile of stuff that really is suppose to be back in my desk, so that I can go to bed.

A pile of stuff I can not leave there.

Have you ever, while cleaning up, found something that you remember buying, but have no clue why? I found something like that tonight. Six dice. Different dice, of different shapes, sizes and colours. A purchase I remember making about three years ago, but do not know why as I have NEVER had the occasion to use these six numbered...well I would call them cubed but they are not all that shape! I mean really, what do I need with a blue marble die that has numbers like 20, 50, and 90? I got them at a gaming shop when it was going out of business. Why was I not stopped by the people shopping with me?

And now they sit, on my desk, as I ignore a pile of stuff and junk behind my desk.

And I am sniffing from the dust I have kicked up while cleaning.

Ah, what a mess.

Happy New Year Peoples!

2008-12-31T23:22:00.000-05:00

Hello. I know, I have not posted a blog in over a month,...and have not been around online nearly as much as I use to lately either. My plan was to type a long year ending blog post. That 'ain't happening right now. This short one will have to do.

When it comes right down to it, I might not sound like it, but I am really just too busy to be able to keep up with my blog. Well, that and what I am doing is not all that post worthy. Much of the same day in and day out. When I am not busy, I am tired, or trying to catch up on other things I have had to put off due to being busy.

My hours have been upped at work, and I have to be awake shortly after 4 in the morning now to get to work. These two changes have caused me to be very tired when I have a moment to sit, and my brain does not work well enough to form a blog. I usually end up trying to relax and watch a show or movie I have missed earlier in the week. Nearly every night has a hockey game, and it is hard to type a blog and watch a game as you miss quite a bit when not looking at the screen the entire time. {There is in fact a game playing right now, but I am mad at the reffs and so am a bit more ok with not paying 100% attention to it right now. That, and as I said, this is going to be rather short, so I will get back to keeping my eyes on the screen very soon.}

My weeks go something like this Sunday I do not work but have Church in the morning. Depending on how things go, we spend everywhere from an hour to five visiting online via Skype with my brother David. Very often, by the time we are saying goodbye, it is time to eat dinner and then the puck is dropped. :)

Monday is my one full weekday off, as I sometimes get out at 11 rather than 1 on other days. This is when I will take advantage of my morning off, though that means one of two things. Either I sleep in ALL MORNING since it is the one and only time of the week I can do that, or I wake up mid morning to get things done. {NOOOOOOOO....oh, sorry. I don't like what is going on in the game. *tear*} This is when I run errands, hang out with Kade, take the kids out, catch up on some TV I have missed due to games...etc.

Tuesday I usually work 5-1. Upon my arrival home, I check in online see whats going on with everyone, talk some with my family and get filled in on what happened while I was gone, and then I most often head to bed for a nap. There are many times I do not get up again till it is time for dinner. If it is an Anaheim game, I go back to bed after I eat, and sleep till 10 when its time to get up and watch the game. If it is a Pittsburgh game, Kade and I head right from the table to the computer to 'hoot for' {as my Grandma would say} our Eastern team.

Wednesday, what do you know, looks much like my Tuesday.

Thursday, I think I remember doing this all the past two days.

Friday, if I did not get paid today, my day looks VERY much like Tuesday-Thursday. If I DID get paid today, then I probably have some banking and shopping to do after getting out of work at one.

Saturday, you guessed it. Even my weekend looks a lot like the rest of the week. Although, Dad has the day off, so if we are going to go out and do a family thing, this would be the day to do it. I don't HAVE to take a nap as I do have the next day off, but there are often times I am so worn out from the week that I end up at the very least just vegging out on the couch in front of the TV or something.

Plus, add in there that I have to make a trip out to Royal Oak every other week for my injections {which was this week....today....ouch} and I still go get my back adjusted, but it is down to about once a month now.

It sounds like I sleep A LOT, but I often do not feel like it.

As for China....all is going VERY WELL!! I have now reached the HALF WAY MARK in my savings. People, there is no doubt in my mind, I am spending no less than two weeks in China this summer! And I CANT WAIT!

Also.....Monday, Kade and I purchased tickets to an NHL game in February! *I'm gonna go see Husky*!! {sing*songy}

Christmas was good. Weird and didn't really feel like Christmas, but it was nice anyway. :)

2009 starts in less than an hour here! Hope you all have a fun start to yours!

The ending is finished.

2008-11-26T22:41:00.004-05:00

I was finally able to get around to posting the ending to my Hockey Weekend story. I am now missing game night, and reliving all the fun that we had there!! *happy sigh* Can't wait till the next game!! FEBRUARY HERE I COME!
Anyhow, I do not, as is always the case it seems, have time to post all of the photo and video links here {oh yes...there is video! Is that not a fun thought?!} So instead, I shall once again have to direct you to the blog on which it really IS posted. {I can copy and paste my posts from Xanga to Myspace, and vise versa. The same is not true for this blog, or my home page....carmshangout. So I have to post links instead}
Click on the here for more hockey story fun!

Hockey Weekend

2008-11-25T00:42:00.001-05:00

I wish I had the time to post it all here, but I have to get to bed like….fifteen minutes ago! So, for the first installment of my hockey weekend break down, go visit my Xanga blog {Or Myspace}
I shall link to the next installment as soon as it is written!

Snippets

2008-11-17T14:54:00.002-05:00

I love it! :D

Work is going well. In the past two weeks I have worked over 60 hours!! This may not seem a big deal to some, but to me anymore, it is. True, I use to work 80 hours in a two week period while at Meijer, but that was before! Nearly two years ago, they didn't think I could work more than 15 hours a week!!

I have not had the time to do much blogging lately, other than my AHL countdown posts, and yet now that I have a day off and can update.....I can't think much of what I had wanted to say.

My boss was really cool, and gave me Friday off this week!! YAY. I asked to just be out by one, which is normally not a problem anyway as I am often off that time. However, we are opening up a new store where the start hours are later than mine now {I start at 5 and 6 in the morning. The new store does not open till 8 or 9 being as it is in the mall} so I was worried that I might work there and not get out when I needed to. Now that I have the entire day off, I can go grocery shopping with everyone before it is time to take off for the game.

As of right now, I have two weeks of camp paid for!!! I am so excited! I see no problem in reaching my half way goal by the end of the year, which means I have even more time to earn the last half in the new year, meaning I will have extra money for the unseen things or any emergencies that come up! I was also worried that I was not going to have any money for Christmas, which also does not look like it is going to be the case. It is going to be a smaller Christmas, as far as the price tag on the gifts I buy, but I am not going to have to trim my gift list or boycott the gift giving all together like I had worried. This just means I get to be more creative with my ideas....always a fun thing! I have already begun making some gifts, so I hope those of you on my list appreciate hand made things!

The Ducks won their game last night, and the goalie got his first NHL career shut out! GO HILLER!! "Doin the Hiller shuffle!!"

Wow...I should have so much more to say,,,and I don't.
grr!

I shall have to wait for the future....just FOUR DAYS!!

R U Kidding?

2008-11-11T17:36:00.002-05:00

There are only 10 days left!! However am I going to keep my feet on the ground?

Eye Test

2008-11-10T19:08:00.003-05:00

A 3 F Y U 8 I D
I U 6 E I O P P
2 H S X W R T I
1 1 D A Y S ! !
P L 6 H D V A W
H U Z Z A H

How many, how many, how many??

2008-11-09T20:10:00.001-05:00

12 days!!!

As of today there are.....

2008-11-07T23:42:00.001-05:00

Two weeks!

Two

Weeks

Iz 'cited!!

2008-11-05T23:00:00.001-05:00

Is it too obvious?
Only 16 more days.

I think I can......

2008-11-04T17:15:00.001-05:00

.....make it the 17 more days till my AHL hockey game!!

Countdown number one.

2008-11-03T16:51:00.001-05:00

Yes people, thats right. The very first of my countdowns has begun.

18 more days till RINK SIDE SEATS!!

2008-10-27T19:15:00.000-04:00

As I type this now, I have one of the Bring Me Hope videos playing in the background. I flip back and forth between this and it. I can’t watch these videos without wanting to both smile and cry.

My Back.
About two weeks ago, I went in to have my back adjusted for the first time in over a month. I had canceled my last appointment due to money issues. Turns out, I was not ready to go that long between visits. My back was rather messed up again, and while I had been in more pain before the visit than in awhile, the actual adjustment hurt pretty bad. I was told to come back in another week. Since that second visit I am doing much better. I still need to get back into my PT here at home. Not only will that help with the pain, I know, but it will also get me back on track as far as weight loss goes. My doctor, his wife, and his family are big time supporters of my going to China, and it is so much fun to go over there and see the excitement they share with me! Here I was thinking my back was going to keep me from going to China, and instead it is actually going to play apart in getting me there. My doctor is awesome!

Shots and allergies
Lately, I have had very few complications with my allergies. As I have said before, part of living with these things is just learning how to deal. How to take care of something before it becomes a bigger deal.
When I went in for my last round of injections, the nurse told me that I would need new bottles on my next visit. The ones we were using then would take care of at least one more shot, and perhaps two. I had really hoped that those bottles would last me till November as I had been told that was when I could start the every other week injections, and then the bottles would last longer, and I told her as much. She looked at my chart and said the doc had written down that I could start the every other week shots as of my last doctor appointment! Even though he had told me not to start that yet, she said maybe he changed his mind, and even if he hadn’t, since that is what he wrote down that is what I could go by and I would be able to better afford things! “See! I made your day, even after having to tell you the bad news about new bottles!!” {New bottles cost $250 for the set.}She also was able to find and injection site that let my arms recover much faster than normal! PRAISE THE LORD! I may or may not be able to get the others to use that same injection site, but at least I know it is there. And now, with 14 days in between my shots my arms will have more time to get back to and feel normal! This is good news for me, as I have not felt my arms were my own for the past year and a half! They never really return to the normal shape and feel during my weekly shots, as the swelling is almost always there, and the large lumps the liquid creates does not seem to go away for more than a week.

Grand Rapids
The OK was given, and the tickets have been purchased! On November 21st, Kade and I will take off after I work, and we will drive to Grand Rapids to watch the Pittsburgh Penguins AHL team, The Wilkes Barre Scranton Penguins {the Baby Pens} take on Detroit Red Wings AHL team, the Grand Rapids Griffins. Not sure when we are making the hotel reservations, but we have picked out a good looking hotel not far from the arena so that I do not have to drive back home in the dark. The tickets came in the mail not even a week after we ordered them online!! I am SO excited!! There is also the chance that I will get to meet an online homeschooling friend that weekend! She and her family moved to MI last year, and we have not yet been able to get together. She does not live far from where we will be staying, and she just wrote to say she would love to get together if we can, all depending on what is going on with her that day. We may be able to meet up for brunch or something before Kade and I return home. How much better could that weekend get?!

Greenfield Village
I have not been to Greenfield Village in YEARS. Months ago, we found out that my Dad’s job offered a pass for its employees that allowed six people to go in for FREE!! Free parking, six free admissions, and six free arm bands for free rides all day. {they have a train, horse drawn vehicles, old Ford Model T’s, and a carousel} So, on a Tuesday Mum, Kade, and I took the kids to that awesome place and got to spend a few short hours just SCRATCHING the surface of what there was to see! Due to time constraints, we were not able to stay for very long, and therefore missed a good portion of the back part. The time we did spend there was awesome though, and I hope we get to return someday!
Photos
More photos

Walk to “The Village”
Villages seem to be popular places for me! heh. I took a walk to a local shopping area last week, for fun, for exercise and to pick up a couple of MI shirts for the weekend. After a bit of time walking around the shops, I headed toward Meadowbrook Hall. You know, our favourite photo spot! It was as pretty as ever that day! It was a nice morning I had. I ate a baguette and fresh apple cider for lunch, got the shirts I wanted for that Saturday, got some pictures of the pretty fall colours that are fading all too soon, and saw a tiny deer up close!!
Photos

Blood Letting
Seeing as how my shots are now down to every other week, I decided it was a good time to once again give blood. The first, last, and only time I did that, I had a very nasty reaction to my shots the next day. Seeing as how they would push back my dose and schedule if I had bad reactions I decided it was better to wait for a more ’stable’ time and focus on getting my injections. Mum and Kade have been going every time they are able. I love the thought of being able to save three people just by taking a small amount of time out of my day. Kade and I had a race! Who could give blood faster. Her nurse helped us in finding out who won.
Kade’s time: 8 minutes and 19 seconds
My time: 6 minutes and 26 seconds.
I WIN!
Six lives, right there!!

I was really very tired for the next few days, but it was worth it.

The van sadly, still looks like this:Our Van
However, the Lord has been good to us, as He always is, and we have been getting along fine. I use the van to get to and from work. With Walton now being open and all new, it has made the trip much better!!

MI Saturdays at Tim Hortons
My boss is a BIG time Michigan fan. Since the start of football season, we have been authorized to wear MI t-shirts on Saturdays. This past Saturday was a big MI vrs MI State game, so we all decided to make a big deal out of it for him. That, and most of us would take any excuse to get out of wearing our uniforms for a day!! The day was busy, but for me at least was a ton of fun. I find I act differently when I am not in the button up drab Timmies uni at work! Of course, since it was a less than normal day, I had my camera with me. {wait, I have my camera with me all the time. Ok, so since it was a less than normal day, everyone was willing to let me have my camera OUT and snapping!!}
Photos

Saturday Night Grizzly Hockey
My favourite ice rink, Onyx, hosts the college hockey team the OU Grizzlys for their home games. Kade and I have been wanting to go since we first found out about it, but that was not during hockey season! hee. For the first time, we got to go this past Saturday night! The game did not start till 8:30, which is why we chose to go on Saturday rather than a Friday when I would have to get up for work the next morning! It turned out to be even more fun than I had expected! The Grizzly’s won the game too, which is even better!
I did take a pretty good amount of game photos, but I doubt anyone really wants to see those. These two are from one of the intermissions. Kade and Me I needed to get up and walk, and get out of the cold and the intermissions of course were the perfect timing! Yes…those photo are taken in the bathroom!

And there you have it people, an update

Vanny

2008-10-13T23:30:00.001-04:00

I'm walking away from the memories
The memories you left with me
Gone so fast, you ran with ease
With no look back or glance to see
Mem'ries are all that now remain
Of the friendship, life in that place
All was dashed nothings the same
Never again to meet face to face.

Promises {My Goodbye to Grandpa}

2008-10-13T23:16:00.001-04:00

Dawn brings the promise of a starting new day
And robins show promise that spring’s on its way.
A proposal accepted, a promised new wife.
A baby’s small heartbeat, promised new life.
A bloom in spring with a promise of more
Big summer gardens promise colors galore.
My Father has promised to share in my sorrow
The promise from God means I fear not tomorrow.
The promise of Heaven
Means I’ll see you again.

Still no title

2008-04-29T13:54:00.000-04:00

When night fills your days
Then stop and think of me
I shall be your light
Help you find the key
When feeling forgotten,
on this long dark way
I'll help you to breathe
And we will be on our way.
So take my hand and never part
Till from this life, we do depart.

Lost Girl

2008-04-29T13:51:00.000-04:00

You see she's told herself
That she knows best
Must have been tired
Of failing every test

So she hides her tears
And stands there strong
Trying not to think of
The chance that she's wrong.

Nobody would know
She is really afraid
Since they can't see
Through the mess that she's made

What will she do with
The bridges she's burned
The friends she lost
With the rep that she's earned?

Tired

2008-04-29T13:49:00.000-04:00

Tired of being forgotten
Tired of being ignored
Tired of feeling beaten
Tired of being bored

I wish I could stop crying
I wish I could break free
I wish my eyes would open
Maybe then I would see

See that I have forgotten
Remember what I've ignored
Remember who was beaten
Who hung up on a board

My eyes have fallen again

Long time!

2007-04-21T19:26:00.000-04:00

I have not posted here in awhile, and there is a reason for that. This is one of my five or six blogs, and it is hard to keep up with all of them. Since so many of my friends had moved on to the other blogs as their main information exchange, so did I.
However, now I have found a new friend who uses this blog kind. So, I will be using the account more, but probably not posting much at all.
For the blogs I keep more up to date, please visit:
www.carmshangout.com
www.myspace.com/sajmakii
www.xanga.com/sajmakii

Have a wonderful day everyone!

Just so you know

2007-01-06T22:19:00.000-05:00

In my few years of life, I have lost quite a few friends to cancer, old age, other sickness, or sometimes just because they walked out of my life. The one thing that has hurt the most about any of those losses was the wonder. For so many of them, I had to wonder where they went, or, at the very least, where they would go. {And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also. John 14:3}
After the latest death of a friend, it hit me that there was a chance I could keep my friends from that wonder, though I hope they know already. Even so, it might be nice for them to hear it again, and know that I know. {That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. Romans 10:9}
Yes. I know!! I know where I will go once I leave the earth. {In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you John 14:2}
When I was very young, probably four or five, I was busy helping Mum with tomatoes. Now, I don't remember everything all that well, lets keep in mind, I was very young at the time. However, I do know that the conversation came around to whether or not I would see my family again when we all died. Mum explained to me that I was now old enough to make a decision. {Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God. John 3:3} It was rather easy at the time, because as a child, I had the faith of a child. Of course God was there. I was here, was I not? So what other way was it possible other than that God made me. Further more, I had been raised with my Father as a pastor, so I had heard many a Sunday sermon on the love of Christ, the death of Christ, and how to live for Christ. There in the basement of our home, with tomatoes around us, I said a prayer, and told the Lord that I believed He died for me, and that I wanted to be one of His children.
Over the years, I have rededicated my life to Him many times. See, at that time, I made a five year olds decision. Later, I needed to make a 10 year olds, a 15 year olds, a 20 year olds, etc. Now, I do not mean to say that I believe that I kept losing my Salvation. It is not that at all. In rededicating my life, I was just telling the Lord that, at that age I was, I still had a heart for Him and was still going to live my life for Him.
Where am I going? Where "Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him." 1 Corinthians 2:9
Like I said, though I hope I have never made it a secret, I wanted to make sure that, should I die tomorrow, none of my friends would suffer the pain I have in not knowing where a friend went.
{I am posting this same post on all my blogs. My 'hangout', Xanga, Blogger, LiveJounal, myspace, facebook, and homeschoolalumni}

God sent His son, they called Him, Jesus;
He came to love, heal and forgive;
He lived and died to buy my pardon,
An empty grave is there to prove my Savior lives!

Chorus
Because He lives,
I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives,
all fear is gone;
Because I know
He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!

How sweet to hold a newborn baby,
And feel the pride and joy he gives;
But greater still the calm assurance:
This child can face uncertain days
because He Lives!

Chorus
Because He lives,
I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!
And then one day,
I'll cross the river,
I'll fight life's final war with pain;
And then, as death gives way to vict'ry,
I'll see the lights of glory and
I'll know He lives!

Chorus
Because He lives,
I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives,
all fear is gone;
Because I know
He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!

2006-03-31T00:07:00.000-05:00

Along the Side

2006-03-02T20:32:00.000-05:00

For miles and miles along I-75
There are crosses and wreaths for those no longer alive
Place there by all those who've been left behind
The memorials keep the lost always on mind.

We're told life is a highway
Well if that is true
What would your highway look like to you?

First name and last name chiseled into a stone
Date of birth and date of death, names of those left alone
These tablets and memories are all that's left
Of each life that has ended when twas claimed by death

Imagine life a graveyard
How full would it be?
What names in your graveyard would you see?

If all the people we've failed in our lifetime
Were names on stone or markers along highway seven nine
How many monuments would litter the side?
So many avoided if only we had tried

We're told life is a highway
Let's say that it's true
What does that highway look like to you?

Four poems/songs

2006-01-24T14:30:00.000-05:00

All has been said

When everything’s been said
At least a hundred times
How can I say it, say anything new?

When you walk in
And the room just fades
What else can I do but just
Be till time begins again?
We met and I don’t know when
My head gets fuzzy and thoughts collide

When everything’s been said
At least a thousand times
How can I say it, how to say anything new?Words are old, dozen a dime
And I still wait to gain a clue

When my world falls apart
Because you went away
How can I do anything but hope
You will stay?

When everything’s been said
At least a million times
How can I hope to say
Anything new?
Words are old
Dozen a dime
I’ll just sit here and wait for a clue

I’m sitting right here
Waiting for you.

Don’t

Don’t turn your back on me
And don’t walk awayJust turn around and see
That here I’m gonna stay.

I’ve been in love just once in my life
And Im not ready to let you go
So I’ll hold on no matter the strife
So one day you too will know.

Let me be lonely

Please do not be worried
For the state that I am in
For though I am quite lonely
My faith is still in Him.

Though I may be lonely
My life’s still in His hands
I continue on each day by day
To do all His commands

Please let me be lonely
Just say you understand
And while I am yet lonely
In prayer please offer your hand

Replace

I danced on the bedpost
It danced on the floor.
Turn out the lights
And it’s with me no more
Out in the sunlight
It’s bigger than me
But I just can’t see it
Here under this tree.
Replace my shadow
Stand here with me
Replace my shadow
Be all that I need
Replace my shadow
Stay here with me
Make me your shadow
It’s your turn to lead

I’m floating on cloud tops
No need for air
Flying with moon beams
No more despair

Replace my shadow
Stand here with me
Replace my shadow
Be all that I need
Replace my shadow
Stay here with me
Make me your shadow
It’s your turn to lead

Just smiled

2006-01-24T14:29:00.000-05:00

Lindy’s sittin at the table trying to eat her soup.
Drew is working with the chicken, cleaning out the coup,
Ally’s playing in her room, she’s brushing Dolly’s hair.
Judy’s splashing in the bathtub, waters everywhere.

And Mom and Daddy just smile,
Knowing this time only last awhile.
Soon the kids will all be grown
With houses of their own.
So Mom and Daddy just smile.

Lindy’s checkin colour palates, wants to paint her room.
Drew is looking at the sky, while dreaming of the moon.
Ally’s twirlin by the mirror, pickin what to wear.
Judy’s outside in the sunshine, with her teddy bear.

And Mom and Daddy just smile,
Knowing this time only last awhile.
Soon the kids will all be grown
With houses of their own.
So Mom and Daddy just smile.

Lindy’s married, bring her kids by Sunday afternoons
Drew is touring all of Europe, singing gospel tunes
Ally’s planning for her wedding, sometime in the spring
Judy’s dreaming of the day, she’ll get a wedding ring.

And Mom and Daddy just smile,
Knowing this time only last awhile.
Soon the kids will all be grown
With houses of their own.
So Mom and Daddy just smile.

Years have passed since Mom and Daddy died
Sorrows borne and tears were cried
The time goes by, but they never forget

Lindy’s sittin at the table trying to eat her soup.
Drew is working with the chicken, cleaning out the coup,
Ally’s playing in her room, she’s brushing Dolly’s hair.
Judy’s splashing in the bathtub, waters everywhere.

Mom and Daddy knew one day they’d have to say goodbye
They told their kids each single day that they were loved and why
And then one day their kids were grown with houses of their own.
So Mom and Daddy just smiled.

Fault

2006-01-24T14:28:00.000-05:00

The other day I woke up to find
The room the same, but something changed
Emotions mixed up all thoughts rearranged
If you could have seen me you’d think me deranged
Clear the cobwebs from my mind
All in one moment I became aware
Lay back down without a care

It was you that did this, you’re the one to blame
It was you who did this now nothings the same
And all you had to do was ask for my hand to claim

From then on with a goody smile I went about my day
I no longer care about the same things as I did before
They all went away when I found my one to adore
What happens around me I don’t care anymore
Waves can crash, all walls fall, and the boat begin to sway

It was you that did this, you’re the one to blame
It was you who did this now nothings the same
And all you had to do was ask for my hand to claim

At times I’m afraid I’ll awaken from this dream
Cause if I am asleep then I want to stay here
Where I laugh and smile because you came near
And my heart skips a beat when you call me dear
A new life will start with the two words I do
For the rest of our days I’ll blame it on you

It was you that did this, you’re the one to blame
It was you who did this now nothings the same
And all you had to do was ask for my hand to claim

You’re to blame
Nothings the same
My hand you claimed

Spinning Wheels

2006-01-05T00:24:00.000-05:00

Spinning you wheels like a car out of control.
Trying so hard to look all ok.
Convincing the others you fit this new roll.
But what are the costs you’re willing to pay?

Your old friends are wondering what’s up with you now.
As we watch the old you disappear.
Hoping that someday you’ll come back, but how?
When you always seem so far, even when near.

Where went the dreams of which you told me?
Have you thrown them all away?
A year ago I didn’t think this is where you’d be.
Please turn around before much farther you stray.

Please

2005-11-21T12:23:00.000-05:00

Tell me what you're thinking
Tell me what you feel
All the things you're saying
Are they even real?
Why pretend you're happy
When you're so very sad?
When put on a fake front
When you're so very mad?
I know the way to fix you
All the answers that you seek
But you choose not to hear me
You think that I am weak.
You think I am just joking
And you dont know I pray
That someday you will find Him
And the sadness go away
So Lord please tell me what to say
And tell me what to do
So one day this young friend of mine
Will give his life to you

Fading To Blue

2005-11-03T00:37:00.000-05:00

I feel it all tumble
As my world begins to crumble
Hard to breath, can't even think
Walls close in, start to shrink
Tears are making my eyes blurry
Try to find footing, I must hurry
Things that I once thought I knew
Now all seem to fade to blue
Close my eyes and count to three
Pray back to normal soon all will be

The pain still deep...but now has changed

2005-10-11T01:18:00.000-04:00

~@~ You Changed ~@~

The Love that I once felt for you has changed to something new.
The pain of loss has been replaced with worries now for you.
You changed so much before my eyes and with that, new emotion
Sometimes it seems you are not you, with not the same devotion
The tears at night no longer for the fact you do not know
Instead they mourn a friend so dear, who lost some of his glow
My mouth is shut, I will not say the thoughts I scream inside
Since if you heard, I do not doubt, you would run away to hide.

2005-09-06T20:01:00.000-04:00

Voices inside like I'm never alone

Yet when they are gone I'm alright.

Soon they come back, in my mind make thier home

I feel like I'm drowning, no light.
I know I'm not crazy and will soon be okay

But the pain is so deep and the feelings are real

And simetimes one second is more like a day

Wish I could turn off and no longer feel.
Traped in my head is the way it seems

When anger and joy rule my brain

Like an old attic with cobwebs on beams

Yet then they are gone washed in rain.

To our Soldiers

2005-09-06T19:57:00.000-04:00

Sitting here trying to hold back the tears
As I think about people who all through the years
Have braved through trails and over come fears
Those namesless figures with the unkown faces
In far away countrys and such distant places
The tankers and bobmers and hight flying aces.
These days thier faces arent namesless at all
Their Franklyn and Thomas, Joshua and Paul
All people who heard it and answered the call
My family, my neighbors, best friends, new brothers
Who'd all be home safe if I had my drothers
Though I hear them saying, just like many others
"I'm needed here now, Lord please protect me.
Never forget us when down on your knee
Someday I'll be home, when these people are free."
They come back as men, though the left us as boys
Not soon gone the days, of playing with toys
The laughter and singing replaced by the noise
Of loud gunshots ringing, of fires and pain
Homesickness and sadness all for the gain
To make sure the others died not in vain
Lord give them courage, and strenghthen each hear
tThough from all thier families, they are now apart
Help those that love You, show how great though art
Be with my friends, God, who fight now for You.
Remind them in Your name, all things they must do.
And make sure they know, that we love them too

2am July 14th

Still Hurt

2005-07-10T19:34:00.000-04:00

In dreams we see in dreams we do
Yet when we wake they're gone
Night by ngiht we fall asleep
Forever they will go on
Why is it hard just to stand
Yet easy so to fall
Why when dreams can hurt so bad
Do we dream at all?
Yet bigger still the question is
Why do I let it bother
Since months ago I thought it done
I'd given it to the Father.

Amy Carmichael 1867-1951

2005-05-06T00:36:00.000-04:00

From prayer that asks that I may be
Sheltered from winds that beat on Thee,
From fearing when I should aspire,
From faltering when I should climb higher,
From silken self, O Captain, free
Thy soldier who would follow Thee.
From subtle love of softening things,
From easy choices, weakenings,
(Not thus are spirits fortified,
Not this way went the Crucified,)
From all that dims Thy Calvary,
O Lamb of God, deliver me
.Give me the love that leads the way,
The faith that nothing can dismay
The hope no disappointments tire
The passion that will burn like fire,
Let me not sink to be a clod:Make me
Thy fuel, Flame of God.

2005-03-27T19:43:00.000-05:00

In this world I walk alone

with no place to call my home

But there’s One who holds my hand

on the rugged road through barren lands

The way is dark, the road is steep

but He’s become my eyes to see

Strength to climb, my grief to bear

the Savior lives inside me there

In Your love I find release,

a haven from my unbelief

Take my life and let me be

a living prayer, my God to Thee

Through these trials of life I find

another voice inside my mind

It comforts me and bids me live

inside the love the Father gives

In Your love I find release,

a haven from my unbelief

Take my life and let me be

a living prayer, my God to Thee

Take my life and let me be

a living prayer, my God to Thee

2005-03-25T10:10:00.000-05:00

People say there is a spot

Somewhere deep in each girls heart

To fill, I wonder, if it is allot

How do I know when I've found that part

As a child things seemed so easy

He would come and spot would fill

Has that happened and why I feel queasy

Is it time to know and why I feel ill

Is that spot going to go away

Have I now found that magic key

Why still not a question no light or ray

Until all is open and known to me

For guidance I pray and hold to hope

Please grant the wish now written in pen

The strength shall I have to with truth cope

Pray I shall do and wait I must, till then

I don't know

And don't like how that feels

I don't know

Maybe it isn't real

I don't know

Makes me sick inside

I don't know

Want to run and hide

I don't know

Is it all in my head?

I don't know

But it's late, time for bed.

In my dreams it all comes true

For in my dreams you love me too

In my dreams the pain is gone

Dreams all fade with coming dawn

All my dreams are filled with joy

Its because of that one boy

While my days are filled with sorrow

There is hope yet for tomorow.

I lost my one true love today and he didnt say goodbye.

I should not be surprised by this, since he never did say Hi

In my dreams I planned a life of which he never knew

And now it seems that all those dreams, never shall come true.

Oh How quickly prayers can change

And how wide the pleas do range

First I prayed Lord let it be

Please Lord Please let it be me

Then I prayed Lord let me know

Tell me please which way to go

Then it was Oh Please Lord No

Do not say that it is so

Now I ask Lord fix my heart

Mend the seams now torn apart

Song challege given by my sis.

2005-03-18T16:22:00.000-05:00

The challenge was to hash lines from a selection of 14 songs together, to form a new something. Here are the three I have done so far:

How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad
To make you make the call, that
There is no Arizona No pained desert,no Sedona
If there was
I was trapped in a castle tower
Locked up in chains
I waited for my prince to save me
Dancing on the tightrope, wearing it thin
That's what I had in mind,
When I said
I'm trapped inside this ordinary life
I was never really breathing My heart was never really beating
That's how you know
You're dodging the moon and I'm playing it safe
And in this labyrinth, where night is blindY
ou make time stand still .....
And I'm loving every minute

And with that first kiss I felt my life beginning
Anywhere at all There's nothing I've got that I wouldn't give
The house is filled with so much love
It was just another story written on the second page
There's going to be a little one and she says it's time to go
That's how you know it's love
So thankful for every day
And after everything that comes and goes around
The world starts to spin again, you learn things you didn’t know then
Cling to the Father and his Holy name

He promised her a new and better life,out in Arizona
But he never came
He's there
Stand in the eye of the hurricane
Sounds like a scene from the silver screen
There's a long black train comin' down the line
And the world stopped spinning
The courage of just 18 years
Take the very breath you gave me
These times are troubled and these times are good
But I can't do this anymore
And no matter how I try
Dancing on the tightrope, wearing it thin
How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad

"Days" by Carm H

2005-02-12T16:14:00.000-05:00

Days can trickle

Days can flow

Days can saunter

But all will go.

"True" Ryan Cabrara

2005-02-11T01:39:00.000-05:00

I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
That you belong with me
You might think I don't look
But deep inside the corner of my mind
I'm attatched to you
mmmm
I'm weak, it's true
Cause I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cause my heart keeps falling faster
[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
You don't know what you do
Everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move
I'm weak, it's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?
[Chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
I know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
The way that's true
[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

Song "Falling into Love" sung by Dana Glover

2005-01-24T20:14:00.000-05:00

Hold on my heart

Remember what you've been through

Be still my soul

And let yourself be renewed

You've been here before

So tell me what i must do

Don't lose your way'

Cause I'm following after you

And it feels like Im falling into love

ICan't believe what i feel like

Falling into love

I'm falling into love

Why do I smile when there's no one else around

These butterflies well they can't seem to settle down

Oh it feels like I'm falling Into love I

Can't believe what I feel like

Falling into love

Oh it feels like I'm falling for the first time

I can't believe that its real life

I'm falling into love

Oh I'm falling in to loveIf

I am dreaming please let me never awake

la la la la

And it feels like I'm falling into love

I Can't believe what i feel like

I'm falling into love

Oh It feels like I'm falling for the first time

I can't believe this love is real I.

.I'm falling into love

I'm falling into love yea

Falling into love

Falling in falling in falling in

I'm falling into love

2005-01-17T22:05:00.000-05:00

"I Just Couldn't"
I wanted to tell the whole world
About my love for you
But I just couldn't.
I wanted to dance my love
Sing it or write a poem
But I just couldn't.
I dreamed a fantastic dream
Of me in your arms
And a long warm kiss.
I wanted the cat to answer me back
When I held her and called your name.
But she just couldn't.
I tried to tell my little sister
About my love for you
So that her big eyes could look at me
The way I wanted you to
But she was asleep so
I just couldn't.
My folks say I'm too young
To be falling in love.
I tried to change my heart
To make it stop thinking
About you so much.
But I just couldn't
I wrote your name on all the pages
Of my diary.
I took a letter I wrote you
To the mailbox----
But I just couldn't.

-Hasna Muhammmad-

Iii-ntair-estink!!!

2005-01-02T23:08:00.000-05:00

I just looked at the stats for this blog! Here, take a look at some of these numbers:

On Blogger Since
August 2004

Recent Posts
11

Avg Posts Per Week
1

Posts Written
23

Not too bad huh? With being gone for six weeks, I think 23 posts is a pretty good number and all. And I at least managed an average of one post a week....so all was fine, until I saw this:

Words Written
11,556

Now what does that say to you? Know what it says to me?? I talk too much!! OY!!!

Did you all miss me?

2004-12-30T19:50:00.000-05:00

That's right! I'm back! Are you not overjoyed? Sure you are! [not] ANYWAY. Happy or not to see me.....I'm back.

I had a wonderful Christmas, with lots and lots of family! We even got to take our students with us to Grampa and Gramma's house!! They were awe struck by the house. I love that old house!! That is where Dad was brought home from the hospital when he was first born, and the house to which Mum and Dad first brought baby David and baby Carmella home over 20 years ago! {We had moved away by the time Tiff was born} Lots of memories in that house. It was built before the civil war and was owned by a very rich bachelor. There are two staircases, one for the master and his guests, that is very large and frilly. The other one is steep and dark and dank, that is for the servants and leads to the large servant quarters. These are the rooms my father and his older brothers inhabited when younger. A fact I often find very funny and can not keep myself from laughing!! The house and all it contains are history themselves! My grandmother is not one to throw anything away! She and Grampa grew up during the depression with very poor families. {Grandad is the second or third oldest of seventeen wait no, eighteen children. There was one set of twins, but one twin died making the final tally seventeen. Out of all of those, only a handful remain alive.} While I loved having the family meet once again at the old house, it did come with a bit of a sharp pain. The reason we came back to the old tradition {for as long as I can remember we have gone over there for Christmas day, but when my grandparents got to be in their 80's it became to hard on them to have everyone over at once and Gramma was nearly killing herself with work needed or not. For the past few years we have been having Christmas with our own families and one or two uncles and aunts etc getting together that day} is that Gramma is not sure Grampa will be alive next Christmas. She said since she did not know how many more holidays we all had together, she wanted to have as many of her kids and grandkids together at least one more time before he goes to see his Heavenly Father. I whole heartedly agree, that I want to spend as much time with Grampa as I can before he leaves us...But it is a rather dismal thought during the holiday to be wondering if this is the last time you will all be together like this. I can not imagine what it will do to my family when he makes his long awaited trip Home. While I would like to think that we would be comforted with the thought that life will go on, and that he is finally a place where he can see not only the sons who have gone before him and the brothers and sisters, but also the One he has been faithfully serving for over 85 years. However, Grampa is a huge cornerstone of our family. Even not getting to see him as much as I would love to, there have been many times when making a decision in my life I wonder "Is this right? Would this please the Lord? Would this please my Dad? What about Grampa? What would he think."
It is hard seeing Grampa in the health he is in right now. He is getting more and more forgetful and weak. Grampa has never been weak. This is a man who fought in World War Two in charge of a troupe of tanks, a man who bore the grief of loosing a young son before he turned five. A man who raised seven children to adulthood and then once again, had to give two of his sons back to the Lord as well as a grandson. A man who for years, even now, worked out in a two or three or larger acre garden to make ends meet. He now forgets things and cant remember the names of his kids. I understand that he can not remember my name, that he forgets I am David's daughter and thinks I am Jon's. I was even able to laugh it off when he thought I was calling him on his birthday, from Las Vegas on some vacation, instead of the break room at Meijer that I actually was. But when he forgets that he put his favorite picture of my Gramma back in his wallet, and gets rather frantic thinking he lost it, when he does things like that, when he cant get up off the couch without rocking back and forth to gain his balance. When our first hellos are: Me- "Hi Grampa! How are you?" Him-"Oh good! I have only fallen once this week! Still hurt from that bad fall three months ago though. Don't know if I am going to get over that one." That is scary. What he use to be able to say in two minutes, now takes him ten. He has to first think of what he is going to say, then begin it, then pause as he runs out of breath, then remember where in the sentence he was, then start up again, over and over.....That is hard to watch. I love my Grampa very much, I don't like seeing him that way. Dad is also very close to him. Whenever Grampa has had one of his heart attacks or a major fall or some other health issue, my father has gotten very sick. There are still a few signs that the man I remember is still there in my Grampa!! :) For Christmas this year, I gave him a frame I got while waiting at the bus station in Chicago. It says I heart Grampa. He looked at it and smiled, while holding the stuffed puppy I also got him. {since he did not have toys when he was little, he loves getting them now!} A few moments later, he took it back out of the bag and said "Who was it....{then looking at me} was it you that got me this?" I said "Yes Grampa, that was me." he then nodded with a look I was afraid was him noticing he had once again forgotten something that just happened but then said " Good....." And with a big smile "....Just makin sure I knew which one a you loved me!" THAT is my Grandad!! He is always kidding around! He is a great pastor, a wonderful father, and and excellent granpa, and he does all of it with humor!! I have told Mum before, the day Grampa does not crack a single joke and just sits there, is the day I cry and know that he is gone. Even when relating stories of the horrid war he was in, he always has a bit of humor to share and a moral to the story that is relevant even now. This was the first time I had seen him since coming home from Iowa. He sat there on the couch and said "So how was it watching all those kids?" I told him a bit about it and he replied, "Man, I wish I could have gone to do it for them." {Remember, he is 87 years old. He has had multiple MAJOR heart attacks, has a pace maker, is nearly deaf and blind......and with that said, I continue} "I would have loved to watch all them! That would have been great! I could have done it!" I said "Maybe you could have! But I don't think you would have wanted to do it for six weeks Grampa! That is a long time, with a lot of kids!" "Oh no!" He says, with a very serious tone in his voice, "I could have lasted that long. AND watched 20 kids!!" heh!! THAT is Grampa!! :)

"You make up to many voices, to many, scenario-drearyos"

2004-10-30T01:30:00.000-04:00

Doesnt that describe me? lol. Heh. It really has nothing to do with anything today, but I like that verse in a song, and it just seems to scream me!

I am so stinkin tired! OY! My legs hurt, my back hurts, my feet hurt, and at times, my eye lids could be mistaken for brick!

Went to the doc yesterday. Really, I went to two docs yesterday. First, in the morning, I went to a LensCrafter to get my eyes checked. We thought I may need glasses for driving and other distance looking. Turns out, I have nearly 20/20 vision! So the time I used them when I was younger seems to have worked and I my eyes have healed. In the afternoon hours, I went to see Doc. Kurz for my first visit since PT. He did not do as much as I would have liked, but he did answer some of my questions so I am feeling better about that. Also, he gave me a new Rx for a lower spine corset, to help with times that I have to stand. Will have to go in and get that before I leave.

It has been three days now that I have been at work. That would be the reason I am so very very tired. They are not making me be cashier, and I am very greatful of that! They have me doing Service Runner, which is a semi new job that has been made since the changes to the store. My job is to answer the beeper calls {I am given a beeper when I come in for the day.} and those are for things like taking frozen or damaged stuff back, getting things for ppl, or cleaning up a spill. The first day back, I did go on a lane for about an hour. I told my managers I dont want to do that again! It hurt so very much! Yesterday, I was helping some new baggers.....wait they are no longer called that! They are now, 'Utility Workers', but anyway, I was showing them around, and had to watch some videos with them. The tapes were about the new system and why we have it. They showed cashiers on lanes working with the new carosels, and I noticed that almost everyone of them was bent over to do the scan and bag! It hurt just watching them! GGrrr! Other than being tired though, I do kinda like being back. Though I am more happy that it is for a short time only. Some people are happy that I am leaving!! :D Others have said they will miss me, and yet others have said they are going to chain me to the store so I cant leave!! :) {hhmm, I think I should stay away from them huh??}

Next weeks schedule was posted today, and I am working Sun-Thursday. This is a good thing, in the fact that I will then have Friday and Saturday off, before having to leave for Iowa. I had thought I would have to be there at the store till 7pm Saturday night, and be at the station by 11 the next morning for the trip! :)

Not all that much is happening right now! Heh. But that is nothing new right? I think, soon, I will start packing for the trip! Looking forward to that! I like to pack!!! The kids are going to help with that. We told them the other night, that we were leaving soon, and they cried for a very long time, very hard. It was such a horrid feeling! Made both Tiff and I cry to see Caeley leep from her chair into my arms and scream, "I dont want you to leave" and to have Sam crumple on the floor and sob!!! Katren took it much better!............At first! Dad told them at the dinner table the other night. Right after the Amen had been said for the prayer, he told them we had something we needed to talk about. Caeley acted normal at first, trying to hide a smile as she looked at me and said something about how dare we be gone for her birthday. But then she got very quiet. You know what they say....the calm before the storm. That is how I would describe that bit of silence. It was not until after dinner, when we were getting ready to go on a walk, that Kat came up to Tiff and said "My body cant take it anymore. I cant hold it in any longer" then buried her face in Tiff and cried and cried. All three of them took turns {and sometimes all at once} crying while on our walk. For the moment, they are taking it better. I know that there will not be many dry eyes in a week!!

Live a life less ordinary
Live a life extraordinary with me
Live a life less sedentary
Live a life evolutionary with me
Well, I hate to be a bother but
It’s you and there’s no other, I do believe
You can call me naïve, but
I know me very well at least
As far as I can tell and I know what I need
That night you came into my life
Well it took the bones of me,
You took the bones of me
You blew away my storm and strife
And shook the bones of me
You shook the bones of me
By the way I do know why you stayed away
I will keep tongue tied next time
Live a life less ordinary
Live a life extraordinary with me
My face had said too much
Before our hands could even touch
To greet a hello
So much for going slow
Well, a little later on that year
I told you that I loved you, dear
What do you know -
This you weren’t prepared to hear
I’m a saddened man, I’m a broken boy
I’m a toddler with a complex toy
I’m falling apart since the outburst on your heart
That night you came into my life
Well it took the bones of me,
You took the bones of me
You blew away my storm and strife
And shook the bones of me
You shook the bones of me
By the way I do know why you stayed away
I will keep tongue tied but
Honey understand
Honey understand
I was made to mend
Honey understand
Honey understand
We could walk without a plan
Honey understand, honey
Honey understand
I won’t rest in stone all alone
Honey understand
Honey understand
I’m all ready to go
But you already know
Live a life less ordinary
Live a life extraordinary with me
If I could name you in this song
Would it make you smile and sing along
This is the goal to get into your soul
If I could make you dance with joy
Could that be the second chance to coy
The very hand I would need to help you understand
That night you came into my life
Well it took the bones of me,
You took the bones of me
You blew away my storm and strife
And shook the bones of me
You shook the bones of me
By the way I do know why you stayed away
I will keep tongue tied next time

What am I thinking?

2004-10-20T02:40:00.000-04:00

I dont know! Sounds silly maybe..but I really dont. Maybe it is cause there is so much going on in my mind, I cant isolate one thought and say that is what I am thinking.

I am happy, sad, lonely, just fine, jumpy, giddy, tired, bored.

Listening to one of my favorite artists right now....and SURPRISE...its NOT Carbon Leaf!!! Chris Thile has just released another CD. Chris is one third of one of my top five favorite bands, Nickel Creek. {that have a song that you may have heard me quote often. "I wish you out of the woods and into the picture with me" I LOVE that! lol} HHMmm...not sure I am likin this new Thile though..... I guess you should know it is not going to be the BEST thing ever when they say "Gonna try some new stuff. This is nothing like my other stuff." Grr! If it works, why change it? Chris, I'm sorry......you cant rock the mandolin......it is not the kind of instrument that should be put through that! lol!! Quit it! Stick with what you are GREAT at! Bluegrass!! And, to go a bit 'Cali girl' here, you rock with the mandolin in that!! ;) Just dont try to make rock WITH it! Well that was interesting. I think I may like alot of what is on the CD, just not all of it. Some of it.....like 'The Wrong Idea" makes my mouth drop open! Like 'Did he just say that? Can he say that? That is not a normal 'Creek' thing!!"

NC really does need to bring a new CD out! Hey! I think they should do a live CD!! Maybe? Maybe not. Well! ANYTHING would be nice. I am so impatient. "This Side" only came out when? Last year? Heh. it may have even been this year. I am not sure. But I am ready for another one already.

I think my CD list is growing way to fast! I see new CDs all the time, and they get added.....and so far I have only gotten one!! Lets see there is......

Chris Thile......Deciever

Mutual Admiration Society.......... Self Titled

Carbon Leaf..........Indian Summer

Rascal Flatts........Feels Like Today

Carbon Leaf..........Echo Echo

Carbon Leaf...........Ether Elcectified Porch Music

The Wilkinsons.........Highway

Hayley Westenra..........Pure

I'm sure there are more, I just cant think of any right now!

Dont think I will get Highway and Pure right away....the others come first. Highway has not even been released in the US anyway, so I would have to get it imported, so I think I should just wait anyway since they say it should be out here soon. Oh, and Casting Crowns is going to put out a live CD, so that should be cool and I may get that one. But then there is the chance that I could find out I dont like them live....they may pump it up even more than they do on the CD....and some of the songs are pumped up too far as it is.

Why am I in such an odd mood? Should I go to bed? I am too messed up to go to bed. Guess I will go find something to do around here......play a game or something. Its not even midnight....and now that I dont have PT :( I have not been going to bed again!

Oh! I do need to do my back excersises though! Ow!

"Hi-diddely-o, didn't ya know? You fade once you glow "

2004-10-18T09:46:00.000-04:00

" Today I strike out on my own...." This morning, as I walked out of Troy Hospital, I heard this line sung through my headphones. It just seemed to fit with my mood! "Hi-diddely-o, didn't ya know? You fade once you glow Didn't ya know, child? After the ryhme, high time diddely-o, didn't you know? You fade once you glow. Didn't ya known, child? After the ryhme, high time." Heh, I am such a drama queen!! OY. But really, that is how I felt! I have been having so much fun the past few weeks at PT {we will call this the 'glow'} and now it is all over {this would be the 'fade'} So much rested on when I finished PT. It was another step in the direction of full recovery. It was the time that I would be allowed to return to work. It was a sign that I was to return to more normal life. And yet, as I got into my car, the end of PT meant something else. It meant the end of the nice drive three times a week, where I got to sing as loud as I wanted and think about what my day held. It was the end of silly jokes like 'Uh, did you count this one? Cause I sure didnt!' and 'Hey! You have to breathe while you do this, dont want you to pass out!' And it meant that I now had to find my own modivation to do my back work out! Like I said, I am a drama queen! :) And love every minute of it!! :P

I did go into Meijer and talk to my boss Jim. I did that Thursday. He seemed to half way expect what I had to say. After much prayer and tearful talking with both parents, I came to the conclusion that a perminante return to Meijer was not possible. Where I to go back to my old postition as cashier, and stay there for any lengthy time, I could end up doing a great deal of damage to my back, and if nothing else just keep myself in a great deal of pain! Neither of which I want to do. The plan now, is that I will work from the 26th of this month, to the 6th of next month. I need the money, and I wanted to give them the notice that was required, so as to leave in good standings. This just means that I will have to be very very careful for the ten days I am there, and make sure that I dont do any twisting. It will also mean that I am going to be SOOOO very tired, since I am going to have to totally turn my body everytime I have to put something into the stinkin bag!! OY. I am happy with the decision. While it is going to be hard to leave after three years, I know this is what is best, and what God wants. After I get home from Iowa I am going to begin putting aplications into local hotels, to see if I can work at the front desk. This would be a low impact, no lifting, sitting or standing when needed, job. It sounds perfect to me!!! :)

So there you have it. Talk to you all later! :)

Only two more days???? :(

2004-10-13T19:59:00.000-04:00

I was told this morning, that I may only need to go to two more visits to the PT floor!!! :( Now, yes I am very glad to hear that my back is well enough now that I do not need to have further work done, and yet I am sad. I really have fun at PT and am not looking forward to it being over with. Oh well. I will get over it I am sure.

Have to go in tomorow to talk to my manager about coming back for only two weeks. I am thinking I may not even be able to come back after though, since we started using a new system, and I dont think it is going to be good for my back! They put new bag stalls in, and they are carosel bag stands. They got rid of the back part of the lane, so there is no counter space to put antyhing. You have to scan it and place it in a bag right away, and the bags are right behind the cashier, so I will be twisting all day long. I am not allowed to do that, with my back the way it is, I could pop another one. So we will see what happens with that all. Still not set in stone at all that I will go anywhere and I may just need to find another job right away. :)

It is all in God's hands!!

"Right on time, will you stay through this pouring rain?"

2004-10-09T00:04:00.000-04:00

It has felt like one of those days...........wait no.......weeks! Pouring rain! Even though, it has been rather sunning out, specially for this time of year.

I got my car fixed today. So Mandie is now road worthy.......however, I no longer have the money to pay for gas to put her back ON the road!! :D lol Fixing her took nearly every cent I had! Things were different prices than I had thought they would be, and the work more extensive than before contemplated. Not only did that one stud need to be tourched off, but all five had to be replaced. I was told they were all very rusted and would have most likely caused certain doom sometime down the road. {They gave me the one they had to cut off........I can see how surprising it is that it held anything at all, let alone be the main sorce of problems in removal of the tire!! See, if it had not been for that ONE lug nut......my cost would have been about $50. But, since I had to have the car taken to a shop on the back of a towing truck, and then have the tire torch cut off and the studs replaced, it added another $100 to the total costs!!}

During all this, my brother has had some problems with the company that hosts his website, leading him into financial distress aswell! Then, Mum really needed a tooth taken care of, and the Doc was a bit underhanded in how he delt with things, therefor charging us for things Mum and Dad really did not want to pay for! OY!

The title to this post, is a line in a song that I love. Its called "Depression Song" and it is done by a group called Carbon Leaf {whos lyrics I have also been using as my 'closing statement'} Just seemed to fit with my mood! :)

Well, I think thats all for now....hhmm what song should I close with??

Here I'm debating time, I'm waiting
chme the wake
Free fall the cannonball volcanic
shatters on the lake
You settle down, where you runnin to?
What else can you prove?
How many, many more until you lose?
You thought a better plan could
shake this shadow land
This frozen tundra hand...
Chorus
---------
I'm turning it from shade to light
Hold it up to candlelight, roaring into firelight,
Scorching up the charlatans until it's city wide
All the people mobilize, nothing left to polarize
And nothing left to fake
Ring around the lake. Ring around the lake.
Right on time. will you stay
throught the pouring rain?
Right on time...through the night,
your laughter is my light
Right on time, desperation song
Dear I have missed your sigh
since crystal skies moved on
Peer out through Shadow's doubt
I had no passion all along
You settle down. where you running to?
What else can you prove?
Is this all a game? Was this all a ruse?
I've waited by the phone. Cold as river stone
Anxiety. Alone...
Chorus
Ring around the lake. Ring around the lake.
Right on time. will you stay
throught the pouring rain?
Right on time...through the night,
your laughter is my light
Right on time, desperation song
Right on time, desperation song

"Are you counting?"

2004-10-08T12:07:00.000-04:00

OOOOO!! Look what I found! I had this all typed up, and thought I lost it, but just found it in the 'drafts' so now I am posting it. This is the one that I said I had and then lost!! YAY!

This is something I hear every Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday!! :D I foget that I am suppose to be counting, since I am also suppose to be doing an excersise, and breathing and holding my gut in.............I can only remember so much at 7:30 in the morning!! Heh.
So far, all I have done today is PT. And, as you all know, I love PT!! heh. So my day is going pretty good! Got up really really early, 5:45, cause I once again could not breathe through my nose! Oy! But, Mum was coming up soon to get me anyway, since she was off to the Y, so it worked out ok. Was up a lot of the night though, and that was not cool. I dont like not sleeping, and feeling like death warmed over! :/ Ah, well.
Today was the sixth time have been to PT, so it was evaluation time. Looks like things are coming along well. Some not as far as others, and not as much as the goals that had been set for me, but I am determined to meet the next ones. HHmmm, that may be hard though, since he does not tell me what those goals are!! lol.
We went to Gramma and Grampas house, and I got sick, like I already said. I am not feeling all that much better than yesterday, like I had hoped, but we shall see what happenes. Yesterday, Uncle Jon, Aunt Holly, and thier three kids came over {Erin, Nathan, and Laura} It was a very nice visit, and I think I heard Dad say we are going to be going over that way soon, so that is cool.

I have not decided what I want to do today, really. But I am thinking I need to do something. Not that I havent been doing things the past month {I dont think I wrote that Tiff and I went the the Ren Fest THREE times this year!! After going the day we had the free tickets, I really wanted to go again and was able to 'talk' Tiff into it. Though it did not take all that much! So we got to go both days of the last week of the Fest!!} ANYHOO, like I said, it is not as if I have not been doing anything, but I am thinking more along the lines of I need to do some more excersising. Kade has to work this afternoon, like every Monday, so maybe I will just go for a walk or something??? I dont think I want to wait until she is done to go, since there are many times she does not get finished till four or five in the afternoon.

Ack, maybe I will go see if she wants to walk to BlockBuster with me, this morning. There is a movie I want to see if I can find there, but I dont think it was open when I drove past it after PT.

Ok, I think that is all for now! :( I only have a few more weeks left in my PT and recovery!! I will be so sad when I have to stop PT, leave home, and start up again at Meijer!! GGGGRrrrrrr.

You talk tough to me

and it makes me smile

By the old church yard

your feelings hide

I know the reason

And you won't say:

"If we grow too close, will you push away?"

I know the reason

And I like, that we're the same

Waterfall...

Are you afraid to love? You afraid to smile?

From the inside out, to the open wide?

I know the feeling.

You're way too proud

And will they find you out if you laugh out loud?

I know, that we're the same.

Waterfall.

Umbrella in the rain

And I won't ask why.

I know the reason

I thought you should know.

I know the reason.

I'll never be the same

. I clearly see umbrella in the rain

Over you and me

You are the best thing

. Let it show

And if we grow to close,

let it undertow

This is the best thing

Should we fall down?

fall down. fall

down. fall

down fall down.

fall down.

Poor Tiff!

2004-10-07T23:09:00.000-04:00

Today started like the other Thursdays of the past few weeks. I got up, got ready for PT, talked to Mum for awhile, then got in my car and took off down the road for the hospital. I got down right near the library, at the lights infront of all the restaurants, and had to stop for a red light. When I hit the gas to start up again, the car shook horribly and was so hard to keep in control. I could tell something was wrong with the tire {Yup, I am one great detective aint I?? JUST from that, I could tell that there was something wrong. :P } Now remember, this is still before 7 in the morning, so it is rather dark! There is no doubt in my mind that God was watching over me right then! Not only did this NOT happen on M59 a very busy busy road I have to take to get there, but also because, when I needed to get over to the side of the road ASAP, there were NO cars anywhere in my path! It was great. I was able to get into a back road to the "La Shish" that is there and being worked on, from where I saw that the tire was completely flat. After Mum got there {I was grabbing for my phone even before I was able to pull all the way into that road.} I drove the car all the way into the parking lot, and left my Mandie there, as I hopped in the van and continued down the street to my appt!
Even with all that drama.......I got there with two minutes to spare! {good thing I like to leave early and be to Troy Beaumont half an hour right? Had I left with JuSt enough time to get there, I would have been very late!} Turns out, Mike was running late as well, and was not yet finished with the patient before me, and so I got there in plenty of time! As always, had a not so 'painless' but very fun PT visit.

Then, once home, I had breakfast with Mum, the kids, and Kade before she went to the Y for her class and we took off to do Meals On Wheels. We also stopped in at Wal*Mart and looked at tire prices!

We all ate lunch together, and then again Mum, the kids, and I took off to go back to Mandie, to see if we could change the tire.We were not able to do it all ourselves, and by ourselves, I mean Mum, since I was not able to do much of ANYTHING! However, there were some very nice constuction workers, that took pitty on the poor ladies trying to get the lug nuts off, and came over to help us. One man, gave us a can of "fix-a-flat" to use instead of the bike pump we were inflating the tire up with. {It was working pretty well I must say though!} We were very greatful to him, and begain to put it in the tire right away. At first, it worked. But then, it started to spurt out the bottom of the tire! White foam everywhere! Oy! Then, in an effort to move the tire a bit, I turned the car on and move the wheel.......that is when fix a flat foam went flying, covering a good foot around the tire! This is when we realized, that the tire really was BLOWN to bits and that reinflaiting was no longer an option. The second man came over while we were working on getting the tire off. He was able to get two of the lug nuts off, that Mum had been unable to do so. The last one, however, had no cap on it. It was just the plain nut. There in lies the HUGE problem that has befallen my prized Mandie! Dad came home from work, and was good enough to come and help me aswell. {Mum had to go back to the house to get some tools that might work better, and there met Dad on his way in from work. He then drove her back in the van along with a trunk load of supplies!}
Even with everything that my wonderful Father tried, removing the lug nut was just not possible. It seems that it has become 'one' with the rim and will need to be cut off!! SO NOW! I have to have it towed to a shop tomorow morning, {a trip that will cost me $60} have them cut off the melted-stirpped-problimatic nut and replace it with a new stud so that I can put on a spare, {a prosses that is going to run about $30} and from there take Mandie to Wal*Mart to have a new tire put on {this totally another $40-$45} What does all this mean? By the end of tomorow........I will have NO money left at all, and may even owe my sister, if my accounts do not contain the needed cash.

Now, you may say to yourself after this long sad sob story, why has she titled it poor Tiff?? Because, my friends, all of this happened on my younger sisters 19th birthday! Yup! Thats right! The 'baby' of our family for 10 years, has just started the last of her teen years. And, the poor thing, was left alone for a good part of the day, due to Mandie's little temper tantrum, Meals on Wheels, and Wal*Mart! Poor thing! Today was a wonderful day, beacuse it was Tiff's birthday............but had it not been so, I think I would catagorize it under "day I wish never happened!" Oy! I have a feeling it will be the same for tomorow!! :( Oh dear!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KADE!!!!

I may not have seemed all that

'wild' about you when you were born

;)

But I truly do not know

what I would do without you!

You are much more than my sister!

It's where I am, It's where I go,

When I need to be alone

Or find someone.

I'll sift sand and souls

And telephone poles

Stretched on this lonely

Stretch of road..

. This beach head road.

But the days gone by... For sure!

But tomorrow's back... For more!

Don't let the days go by... No more!

She is the one I hear the roar,

But i'm lost just name the shore...

Just the name the shore.

The melted chest,

Today was the day

When all i had to say

Came flooding her way.

But the days gone by.. For sure!

But tomorrow's back... For more!

Can't let the days go by

Once more!

Days gone by...

It's where I am,

So here I go.

Rehearse and first

and no Regrets to show.

What good is a speech

When at the beach?

Can't walk or talk or stand. I

guess i'll write it in the sand.

But the days gone by... For sure!

But tomorrow's back... For more!

Don't let the days go by... No more!

Days gone by...

Oh sure!

2004-10-05T18:37:00.000-04:00

It will work now! AND show how many times I have tried to get it to work!! Grr!!

Thank you to whom ever fixed my blog!! :)

Testing

2004-10-05T18:36:00.000-04:00

This has not been working, so I am testing it out, and if it works,............an update will be soon coming!

Testing

2004-10-05T11:38:00.000-04:00

My blog has not been working, so I am testing to see if it is fixed!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa

2004-10-04T12:29:00.000-04:00

I had an entire post all typed out, and the stupid thing had an error.............I am to lazy and upset to retype it. Maybe later!! OHGRRRR

Music, pain, travel, allergies, and more.

2004-10-03T00:43:00.000-04:00

Well, here it is the first weekend in October, and again I have been busy!! What is it?? WOW! Before, I never seemed to have anything to do, now that I am suppose to take it easy, I am able to keep myself busy all the time! {And no I am not complaining! I am loving every minute of it!}

Two days ago, Kade and I went to Chesaning to see our cousin Missy and her three kids. We had a blast there, and I was able to handle the trip pretty well. I drove the entire way, and was only in a bit of pain when we arrived.

Then, today, we all {all eight of us!!!} went to Bancroft to see Grandpa and Grandma. That was a lot of fun! They live out in country area, and I love to visit there. Besides visiting and having lunch with them, David, Tiff, and I walked around taking pictures for a good part of the early to mid afternoon. My Grandparents still live in the same house that Dad grew up in, and that both David and I lived in when we were first born!! So it is so cool to go back there, and think about all the stuff that has happened in that house the past 45-50 years! {I will have the link for the pictures as soon as I have them up}

TOMORROW! Yes, there is more! Tomorrow, my Uncle Jon and his family will be joining our Church group. They are going to be coming here from their home in Standish, to spend the day with us. Should be fun!

I am very hooked on Carbon Leaf now, and am sure I am going to blow tons of money on their CD's once I return to work! :/ Hmmm....Maybe I should set a plan ahead of time, one CD a month? So far, I allowed myself to buy ONE cd, since on medical leave....And it was a CL live album, and I have been listening to it nearly none stop ever since! Even got Kade hooked as well!!

PT is going great!!! I really like it. Besides making me feel better, I am having fun there! I have very nice therapists, and I like the drive in and out and everything! The first week was working on stretching my legs and working on getting my 'core' strength back. Now, we are going into a bit more of working the back muscles, and that can hurt a bit, but I still like it none the less! lol

The fresh air has had a bad affect on me! I have not been able to breath right through my nose since we got home earlier this evening!! OY! Hope a shower will take care of these sniffles!

So, yeah! There you have it!! That is what I have been up to! Still lots to do! Having a blast recovering, and am no where near ready to go back to Meijer! I just got a letter in the mail from the benefits dept, telling me that I needed to give them more info as to why I was not back yet. They say that PT is not a good enough reason not to come back, since I should be able to work around it. That does not make sense to me, since they say I need a Doc note to let me get out of work, then I give them one, and they say "We don't believe your Doc that you are not well enough to come back" {The note said that I was still totally disabled in regards to work, and was not able to come back till after PT was over.} Thing that does not make sense, is that I am on Medical leave, not disability! They are not paying me a cent! Oh well!! Heh

Later!!

Should I shy down. that's boring. snoring

I'd like to teach me to

sing in perfect harmony

And I'd like to change the world.

It's easier than changing me

And I'd like to find one girl who knows me

Strum bang the drum alound or put it down and figure out if I'm out of line

Sit around and figure out if I'm wasting time

Wait for the sign.

it's time to shine shine shine

Wait for the sign.

it's time to shine shine shine

Why should I sh-shy down. how are you? fine.

Why should I sit around and be dead and never shine

It's the giant so defiant. But I'm happier if I can sleep

If I wake though. volcano.Fee Fi Fo Fum

bang the drum aloud or put it down and figure out if I'm out of line

Sit around and figure out if I'm wasting time

Lit a fire under my assets

I'd like to, I try to tread tightly, so slightly

When the forest is before us

, but we can't see for all the trees

That's when they fall, that's when I call

The good Paul Bunyun

bang the drum aloud or put it down and figure out if I'm out of line

Wait for the sign. it's time to shine shine shine

We're out of line. it's time to shine shine shine

Wait for the sign.

we're gonna shine shine shine

Sept. 23rd, 2004 most productive day for me.....almost ever

2004-09-23T22:32:00.000-04:00

Yup! For a day, I stopped being so lazy! So here are the events of my day.

6:20, Mum got me up to get ready for PT. I have to be there by 7:30 and it is only about a15 minute trip, so I don't need all that much time.

Left for PT around 6:55, and was in the waiting room at the hospital in plenty of time.
Was called back back by one of my Therapists, Mike, and PT begin. Today was the first REAL day of my PT, yesterday I went in to meet the people that would be working with me {Kristina is supervising, meaning checking in every now and then, and Mike is a PT student. This is his third year in school for this job.} and to figure out where I was as far as healing was and how we should do my PT.

After that, I was very sore even though I did not think I was going to be! All we did was some work with the muscles in my legs, like stretches and such, and the now healed cut had to be massaged to make sure it heals without a lot of bumpy scar tissue. Like I said I did not think I was going to be all that 'changed' the first day, but a few hours later!!!! OY BOY.

So, I got home around 8:30 and had breakfast with everyone. Tiff then went to class at the Y, and I headed off to get gas. The gas light had come on while I was driving home from the hospital. Also, I wanted to buy a new CD. Something I have not done since hurting my back and having to stay out of work.

Went to the Meijer gas station.....and got stuck in my car! The door would not work! Somehow, the door panel had come off the door frame and was now stuck on the bottom car frame. {does that make any sense to anyone? I didn't describe that very well. But lets just say the door was stuck and I could not get out until I slammed up against it a few times to ram the door open} From there, I went to Best Buy and bought myself "5 Alive", the live album from a group I just started listening to. Since hearing them, well and knowing who they were. Turns outr I had heard two of their songs before, and just did not know who they were. So, since hearing them and looking the band up, I have been listening to music I got off the net {through Amazon.} I got the CD, though, so I will be able to take it with me and be able to listen to it at other times then when I am only at the computer.

I am not sure what time it was when i got home, but soon after returning I left once again.This time, to go to AutoZone and get a peg to hold the door together, and to see if they could read the codes that Mandie has been throwing. They read them, and I got the peg and came home.

Fixed the door in the visitor parking spot out front of the house {stuck the peg in the door and punched it as hard as I could to get it to stick in the hole!! :D hee hee} and then weeded the garden with Kade, Mum, and the kids.

And I did all of this BEFORE 12! A time that, the past two months, has been my wake up call time!!

I was a bit tired after lunch, and did not do AlOt for a few hours. But around 3, I went on a walk and took with my CD number one from Carbon Leaf's album. I had already determined that I was going to walk the entire time music was playing from the headphones. Guess I should have checked to see how long that first CD was!! An HOUR later, I collapsed in the living room. :)

As well as all this, all day I have been doing my 'homework' given to me today at PT. To help support my back, I need to strengthen my abs. I am to walk around, sit, lay down, EVERYTHING, while sucking in my stomach and holding my shoulders as straight as I can. {this is also to help my posture.}

So see?? Rather productive huh?? :)

Boy am I tired! Mum says she has heard that three seconds of holding your tummy in, is equal to one sit up. I have done MANY sit ups today!! oy! And I got two blisters on my feet while on my walk! :(
Oh well! I had a fun day anyway!
All topped off by a nice chat with Tara. And tonight, Kade and I are suppose to go over to watch a movie with Chris.

We have decided it will be fun to go again, to the festival, since Chris' Mom has been given free tickets and offered us some. Tiff and I are going to go by ourselves on Saturday, it looks like, and we will go watch ALL the shows. :) YAY!! We will get to see the whip skit again, and all the way through this time!! YAYAY

So steadily go, the rain...

So steadily go, the time...

So steadily go, the season...

So steadily go, long ago... ..

.All the little mysteries of a big yard ..

.A little bit older, rake the lawn ..

.I am a field mouse in a tall tree ...

Dreaming past the world below

Na-na-now, we live it up lonely, but anyhow...

I'll not complain, nowadays

Na-na-Now, we live it up lonely,

high on the bow...

Mice in a maze, nowadays

"Imagination Fades With Memory"

I think I made that up (can't quite recall)

...So steadily go, the rain ...

So steadily go, the time

So in love with the notion of being in love

And all my old friends...newly married

Acquaintance now, kiss them good-bye

[Chorus]

Such a cold day for letter writing

Cup of tea, warm regards

Window paints a Herb Jones kind of weather

Wouldn't have it any other way

(at least today...)

[Chorus]

Two great Saturdays in a row?? I could get use to 'recovering'!!

2004-09-18T23:10:00.000-04:00

I just got back from a WONDERFUL time at the Palace! Tiff and I went there tonight to watch the Rock & Roll Gymnastics Championship. This is our third or fourth time attending one of these types of shows. Before, however, we have gone to the John Hancock tour, or the TJMaxx tour of champions. This is the first time we have been to a 'competition' with this many big names. I put the word competition in quotes because, while it is a judged event, it is mostly for show.
It was AWSOME!! Just great!! I loved it! And, very much like last weekend where I screamed my head off at the Ren Fest, I do not believe I will have much of a voice tomorow! I yelled and hooted and hollared SOOOO much, and loved every minute of it!
Paul and Morgan Hamm, my two favorite male gymnasts were there, as was Shannon Miller, who has been my, well I dont like to use the word 'idol' but at the moment I can not think of anything else. Since watching her in the 1992 Olympics, I have been captivated with her and the sport of gymnastics!! She is my number one favorite gymnast of all time!
I got a poster, but the pictures that I took with my digi cam did not turn out all that well, and that kinda bums me out. But I have the memories of tonight, and the poster, and let me tell you, those both will last me for a very long time!

I am tired and need to go walk around or something. I have been sitting for quite some time, and my back is starting to hurt. Wanted to say really quick though, that my friend and I talked the other night, and she said she did not mean to hurt me that bad with not coming with me to the Ren Fest. There were other things that she did not tell me at the time, that kept her from joining us. We have now made up, and I feel much better. She was there tonight too! It was so funny. I did not see her, but I knew she was going to be there, and we tried to find each other, but were unable to.

Oy I am tired! Wonder how much more of this 'recovery' stuff I can take!

Later I will fill in the rest of tonights happenings. But now I need to go rest!

Grant, I am so happy you had a good day! You have been worrying me, and I hope this lifts your spirits, to have had a good time with friends! Have a great time of fellowship tomorow at church!!

Night all!

`me on cloud nine!!`

Stuck with me for another six weeks!! :P

2004-09-15T17:23:00.000-04:00

Thats right. I am off work for another six weeks. My doc and I agreed that it was best to wait till after my PT is over, for my return to work. I was really hoping that he would say that! While I don't like the 'no money coming in' thing...........I can take that in exchange for being at home with everyone all the time! Mum was saying she thought I would really be wanting to go back after all this, and when Kelly called this morning {she is an old friend of Mum's, and was like a big sis or Aunt or something when I was younger. I was in her wedding when I was 5! :) She is still very dear to me!} she said she too thought she would hear me say I was looking forward to going back!

HHHmmmm, do I seem like I am unhappy? Or do I act like I dont like my family? Hope not! I am really enjoying my time spent with them!

Three years working at Meijer! Just had my anniversary date pass!! Wow! I was only 17 when I started there! Kinda wierd to think! Lots has happened while I have been there. And I have now broken the two year at one job thing I though was going to become a tradition. Although I cant remember how long I was babysitting Kyle, Cameron and Sean. I think it MAY have been longer. Maybe three years. Think I was at Lisa's with Kade longer than two.....but I cant remember! It has all been so long ago!

I hate my brain sometimes! I can remember something a friend said five years ago, but I cant remember what I said two minutes ago, or what I did five years ago {or lately, things that happened two months ago!! oy} or where I put something three hours ago!

I am a Dork! OyGrr, thats all I have to say! And ArghyLaLa

I hate the way you talk to me,

and the way you cut your hair.

I hate the way you drive my car.

I hate it when you stare.

I hate your big dumb combat boots,

and the way you read my mind.

I hate you so much it makes me sick;

it even makes me rhyme.

I hate it,

I hate the way you're always right.

I hate it when you lie.

I hate it when you make me laugh,

even worse when you make me cry.

I hate it that you're not around,

and the fact that you didn't call.

But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you.

Not even close,

not even a little bit,

not even at all.

WOW that was fun!!!

2004-09-13T18:11:00.000-04:00

Despite the HUGE heart ache I had when I felt my friend had let me down, we went to the Ren Fest and had a WONDERFUL time! It was great!! Kade and I got up at 7 in the morning, to begin our prep. We were all ready, and I had even been on the computer for a few minutes, by the time Jen got here. She came at 10 and had two outfits with her for us to help her choose from. We had her go in the green dress, because she would then match Kade and I. We then went over and met Chris and the boys and soon after, her aunt arrived with her grand daughter. The group set off and we were all on the road by 11. The drive seemed very long, since there was a lot of construction on I-75 and it was down to one lane in many of the areas. The three cars {we had to take three since Jen had to leave for a wedding, at 3 and Chris' Aunt needed hers incase she needed to leave early.} pulled in and the eight of us all filed into the festival around 12. Just as we were beginning our walk around the shops, we were stopped by a very large parade! It was really fun! The people in it were, of course, all dressed up as different things, and were yelling out and talking to all the standers by. When we did not smile, they would tell us things such as "Better smile, you are going to be here awhile." Or "Well if you are not going to smile, neither am I!" promptly followed by a frown or scowl. That would of course make us all laugh. The parade must have lasted for like five minutes or so and then we restarted our trek. One of the first stores I saw, was named Cassie's Garlands. I took a picture of that to show to Cass!! The streets were filled with vendors if different sorts of things, like a stone that had holes in it that made noise when you blew through them. And pickles! Oh the pickles!! There has got to be like three or four pickle stands in that one fair! And the people manning those things are the loudest, but very funny. You can hear their shouts for probably blocks, were it not for the other noise that go on at these things. At one of the shops I stopped and got some VERY expensive fudge!! {Later in the day though, I was very glad to have that.My sugar dropped and I had a bad case of the shakes. Nearly fell over and would have had I not had the fudge to bring my blood sugar back up to normal! Thank you Lord for having me buy the chocolate!!}
So lets see, what did we do next? Well, we walked all over the place, and my back held up pretty well! I didn't even really need to sit down till shortly before Jen had to go.
We went and watched the joust, and that was really fun. We did not get to see the entire show, but the opening speech made by the queen was enough in itself. Being as how it was on Sept. 11th, I wondered if they were not going to have something in reverence to the anniversary, but did not know how this would be achieved in a Ren. Era manner. It was done very nicely by the Queen when, after welcoming all the those competing in the joust {keep in mind this is all scripted! It is not like people are pulled from the crowd or anything} she began a small tribute to those lost in the attacks of Sept 11th 2001. The words United States of America or even USA, were never used in this small speech, instead she simply said that she wanted to bring a new set of colours out. {the riders and teams each had a set of colours.} and went on to say that there were many killed 3 years ago. This was our nation, she said, and we need to remember them. While I can not remember the actual terms she used she mentioned that we would need to stay strong and united, and this was the way we would win in the war we now had to fight. {that was a lot of w's did you notice??} After she ended her brief statement, the American Flag was brought out and hung over the banister, while Taps were played. There were two members of the Honor guard there, one of which held the flag pole during the song. It was all very sweet and never once did she fall out of character!

We got the last half of "The zucchini Brothers"! Very funny show, very clean aswell! I was very impressed with this fact! Just goes to show you, you can be funny and exciting and NOT have to be crude. We also caught the beginning of Dead Bob. I use to really like this act, but lately he has gotten very political, and like to do a large bit of Pres. Bush bashing. So we did not stay around. Besides, this was at the time that I was having difficulty standing, due to the low blood sugar, and everyone else needed food aswell. We had not really eaten any lunch...just nibbled a few things here and there....and did not have a sit down dinner or anything either. We did get some really great chicken and chips though. They were great! There were a few other shows that we stayed to see the last portion of, or that we got the tail end of, but none really worth mentioning that I can remember. However, the BEST one IMO was....WhipBoy. And, for all of those that have dirty minds, no it was not a crude show! :) WhipBoy is a master of the Bull Whip. According to him, he is a world known whip boy and does the worlds most difficult whip trick. He also does a balloon warm up, in which he swallows a long and skinny balloon.......really! I have no idea what happens to the thing, cause he did not ever take it out...that he showed us that is. His show is a comedic danger act. I laughed SO very hard, and he was the reason I had no voice the next day! I was not sure how I was going to be able to sing at church the next morning. He had everyone yelling at the top of their lungs and screaming and laughing and hootin and hollering. Great time!! That act is definitely going to be at the TOP of my must see list for next year! {he even has a website. WhipBoy grew up just a few miles away from me!!! :O :http://www.commidiots.com/stunt.htm }

We had much fun shopping through all of the stores that are there in the festival. They have everything you can think of! Each year, Kade and I get gifts for everyone in our family. This year, we got Mum the traditional Copper Roses but we also got extra smelly oil so that she can refuel them! :) The rose smell is SOO very real, you are nearly fooled into thinking you are smelling a real rose instead of the copper one! For Dad, this year, it was the tip of a dear antler. I thought it was pretty cool! Seems he did aswell. David is always the hardest one to find a gift for at this thing {and even on OTHER non-ren days he can be a hard one} since they did not have fun 'gadgets' like he likes, back in those times. They did, however, have leather. And one shop made leather Zippo lighter holders. So we got him one of those for his prized zippo lighter. {no, my brother does not smoke, he and I are just pyros! And when you are addicted to fire, you have to have cool flame throwers. He has a really neat silver zippo...that now sits in a black leather pouch!} Sammy got a leather pouch aswell, but his is for bigger things that lighters! :) For the girls, small clay necklaces. They were really pretty and have glitter and paint on them. They are in the shape of a small swirly shell. I got Tiff a green and silver bracelet, and she got me a tiny heart shape prism pendant. It is so beautiful! The past two years, I have seen and wanted a Rams Horn. I am not ReAlLy sure why, but I thought they looked cool and have nearly gotten myself one each year, but managed to talk myself out of it before I put the money out for it. Well this year I DIDNT! I got it! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have my Rams Horn! It is a pretty one at that, as far as Rams Horns go. It is black and shiny and has a brown leather rope so that it can hang around my neck! Now I just have to get good at using the thing. {see it is an actual horn made out of a rams horn.} Dad can do it really well, and the sound can be heard on all three floors of our house. I just seem to get those in the room with me really upset!

We left the park at oh 7:30 maybe. I think it was rather close to 8 though. We got home at 8:30 {the trip home is always faster isn't it?} and I found that I had been burned really bad by the sun! I had not even though of sun burn! My worries were on hot and cold and making sure I did not become too much of one. It seems though, that the sun had a direct path to my neck area and the only part of me there that did not get scorched was the bit that was covered by my rather large necklace. {a purchase from a past Ren Fest visit}

Sun burn or no, though, we had an absolute WONDERFUL time, and I would get do it all again in a heart beat! Sun burn and all!! :)

When I got home, I told Mum I had one big problem with the Fest!

It was over!

Well, David has moved.

2004-09-08T23:32:00.000-04:00

Back into the basement that is. For the past two months, since having his back surgery, David's computer has been up in his room. While that has been how he has wanted things for as long as I can remember, he said it was not as good as he had hopped. The reason for this was that, to fit his computer in there, they had to put it at the end of his bed. He had to lay in just the right way to be able to see the screen, and then that hurt his back. So he was either in pain, or not able to see very well. Plus, the computer was at the foot of his bed and the TV at the head! So he would have to switch positions depending on what he was doing. I am glad to have him back down here with us. It could get rather lonely when Tiff was at work, and I was the only one down here. Plus, since just about everything he needed was in his room {i.e. TV and computer.} there were days I did not see him, save for meal time. That was very weird sometimes. There would be days when he was gone to PT and I didnt know it because I had not seen him all day so thought he was still in his room!! The one nice thing though, to having him in his room....is that for 2 months I have not heard "BIRD! Hush up!" or "QUIET BIRD!" or "OOoh BIRD!!!" or "BIRD!!!". *Sigh* It was peacful down here. Lonely and quiet, but peacful! But I guess I can traid my peace and quiet for having my big brother back in the family!! :D

This week we are trying something new! :-O New you say? Yes, new. This Tuesday was the first day of school for the little ones. When we were little, there was no computer and no TV allowed before school time, and that started at 9am. {we got out of bed at 7, had till 8 to get ready for the day with dressing, and hair brushing, and bed making and such. Then at 8 we had breakfast. Then had till 9 to clean up and get the jitters out before sitting down for Bible class, which was always first.} I think they kids start school a bit later, but they are little and only take about an hour or at most two, to finish all thier work. So Mum was saying she was going to start the rule back up again for the three kids, of no TV and no computer. Saturday I think it was, Caeley came up and said she had seen something on TV that had really bothered her. It was a man with no clothes on, but parts that should not be seen had been covered by a black box or blurry section {like they do with peoples faces on COPS and such shows} She was asking why they had to show things like that on TV, and she said it was on a little kids channel but I am not sure if she was mistaken or not. Katren, Caeley, and Sam got to talking with Mum and they {the three kids} came up with the idea of not watching TV for awhile. Just to take a break and see if they could last and find other things to take up their time. While it was just suppse to be Mum and the kids that were on this TV Strike, I decided I was going to go along with it aswell and Tiff did the same. Dad said that he did not think it was fair to watch TV in the living room and have the kids leave the room to keep their promise, so he too went on this project as well. {David has a TV in his room like I said, so he is able to watch and not have interupt anyone or bother anyone.}We have done it before, but last night Tiff and I pulled out some games and started playing. Dad joined in, and Mum was in the kitchen with us washing the dishes. Soon, David came down and was making silly comments about our questions and answers for Trivial Pursuit. We had a blast and even stayed up past 11 all together, something that is odd on a school/work night, since Dad and Mum have to get up before 5 in the morning. I laughed so hard that my back hurt, and Mum was crying!! I mean not crying like BOOHOO, but there were tears rolling down her cheeks! It was great! Dont know what we will do, if anything tonight. The kitchen computer is having problems and is giving Dad a HUGE bad attitude while he trys to fix it!

Grant got his drivers license yesterday!!! WAHOOOO!! I am so very happy for him. Was just talking with Tara about it! :) Everyone is very proud of you! :)

Oh, I got a reply email from one of my cousins in Canada. She is my mothers oldest niece and is seven years older than me. Yesterday I wrote to her, in hopes of maybe starting an email correspondence. Maybe I will be able to get to know a bit more about that side of my family!!!

Well, my hands and back are starting to hurt, so I think it is about time to finish this up. Besides, if I have to look up a word in this pocket dictionary of mine, one more time to correct my own spelling, I think I am going to cry!