Just so you know

In my few years of life, I have lost quite a few friends to cancer, old age, other sickness, or sometimes just because they walked out of my life. The one thing that has hurt the most about any of those losses was the wonder. For so many of them, I had to wonder where they went, or, at the very least, where they would go. {And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also. John 14:3}
After the latest death of a friend, it hit me that there was a chance I could keep my friends from that wonder, though I hope they know already. Even so, it might be nice for them to hear it again, and know that I know. {That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. Romans 10:9}
Yes. I know!! I know where I will go once I leave the earth. {In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you John 14:2}
When I was very young, probably four or five, I was busy helping Mum with tomatoes. Now, I don't remember everything all that well, lets keep in mind, I was very young at the time. However, I do know that the conversation came around to whether or not I would see my family again when we all died. Mum explained to me that I was now old enough to make a decision. {Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God. John 3:3} It was rather easy at the time, because as a child, I had the faith of a child. Of course God was there. I was here, was I not? So what other way was it possible other than that God made me. Further more, I had been raised with my Father as a pastor, so I had heard many a Sunday sermon on the love of Christ, the death of Christ, and how to live for Christ. There in the basement of our home, with tomatoes around us, I said a prayer, and told the Lord that I believed He died for me, and that I wanted to be one of His children.
Over the years, I have rededicated my life to Him many times. See, at that time, I made a five year olds decision. Later, I needed to make a 10 year olds, a 15 year olds, a 20 year olds, etc. Now, I do not mean to say that I believe that I kept losing my Salvation. It is not that at all. In rededicating my life, I was just telling the Lord that, at that age I was, I still had a heart for Him and was still going to live my life for Him.
Where am I going? Where "Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him." 1 Corinthians 2:9
Like I said, though I hope I have never made it a secret, I wanted to make sure that, should I die tomorrow, none of my friends would suffer the pain I have in not knowing where a friend went.
{I am posting this same post on all my blogs. My 'hangout', Xanga, Blogger, LiveJounal, myspace, facebook, and homeschoolalumni}

God sent His son, they called Him, Jesus;
He came to love, heal and forgive;
He lived and died to buy my pardon,
An empty grave is there to prove my Savior lives!

Chorus
Because He lives,
I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives,
all fear is gone;
Because I know
He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!

How sweet to hold a newborn baby,
And feel the pride and joy he gives;
But greater still the calm assurance:
This child can face uncertain days
because He Lives!

Chorus
Because He lives,
I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!
And then one day,
I'll cross the river,
I'll fight life's final war with pain;
And then, as death gives way to vict'ry,
I'll see the lights of glory and
I'll know He lives!

Chorus
Because He lives,
I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives,
all fear is gone;
Because I know
He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!

Along the Side

For miles and miles along I-75
There are crosses and wreaths for those no longer alive
Place there by all those who've been left behind
The memorials keep the lost always on mind.

We're told life is a highway
Well if that is true
What would your highway look like to you?

First name and last name chiseled into a stone
Date of birth and date of death, names of those left alone
These tablets and memories are all that's left
Of each life that has ended when twas claimed by death

Imagine life a graveyard
How full would it be?
What names in your graveyard would you see?

If all the people we've failed in our lifetime
Were names on stone or markers along highway seven nine
How many monuments would litter the side?
So many avoided if only we had tried

We're told life is a highway
Let's say that it's true
What does that highway look like to you?

Four poems/songs

All has been said

When everything’s been said
At least a hundred times
How can I say it, say anything new?

When you walk in
And the room just fades
What else can I do but just
Be till time begins again?
We met and I don’t know when
My head gets fuzzy and thoughts collide

When everything’s been said
At least a thousand times
How can I say it, how to say anything new?Words are old, dozen a dime
And I still wait to gain a clue


When my world falls apart
Because you went away
How can I do anything but hope
You will stay?


When everything’s been said
At least a million times
How can I hope to say
Anything new?
Words are old
Dozen a dime
I’ll just sit here and wait for a clue

I’m sitting right here
Waiting for you.



Don’t

Don’t turn your back on me
And don’t walk awayJust turn around and see
That here I’m gonna stay.

I’ve been in love just once in my life
And Im not ready to let you go
So I’ll hold on no matter the strife
So one day you too will know.



Let me be lonely


Please do not be worried
For the state that I am in
For though I am quite lonely
My faith is still in Him.

Though I may be lonely
My life’s still in His hands
I continue on each day by day
To do all His commands

Please let me be lonely
Just say you understand
And while I am yet lonely
In prayer please offer your hand





Replace

I danced on the bedpost
It danced on the floor.
Turn out the lights
And it’s with me no more
Out in the sunlight
It’s bigger than me
But I just can’t see it
Here under this tree.
Replace my shadow
Stand here with me
Replace my shadow
Be all that I need
Replace my shadow
Stay here with me
Make me your shadow
It’s your turn to lead

I’m floating on cloud tops
No need for air
Flying with moon beams
No more despair

Replace my shadow
Stand here with me
Replace my shadow
Be all that I need
Replace my shadow
Stay here with me
Make me your shadow
It’s your turn to lead

Just smiled

Lindy’s sittin at the table trying to eat her soup.
Drew is working with the chicken, cleaning out the coup,
Ally’s playing in her room, she’s brushing Dolly’s hair.
Judy’s splashing in the bathtub, waters everywhere.

And Mom and Daddy just smile,
Knowing this time only last awhile.
Soon the kids will all be grown
With houses of their own.
So Mom and Daddy just smile.

Lindy’s checkin colour palates, wants to paint her room.
Drew is looking at the sky, while dreaming of the moon.
Ally’s twirlin by the mirror, pickin what to wear.
Judy’s outside in the sunshine, with her teddy bear.

And Mom and Daddy just smile,
Knowing this time only last awhile.
Soon the kids will all be grown
With houses of their own.
So Mom and Daddy just smile.

Lindy’s married, bring her kids by Sunday afternoons
Drew is touring all of Europe, singing gospel tunes
Ally’s planning for her wedding, sometime in the spring
Judy’s dreaming of the day, she’ll get a wedding ring.

And Mom and Daddy just smile,
Knowing this time only last awhile.
Soon the kids will all be grown
With houses of their own.
So Mom and Daddy just smile.

Years have passed since Mom and Daddy died
Sorrows borne and tears were cried
The time goes by, but they never forget

Lindy’s sittin at the table trying to eat her soup.
Drew is working with the chicken, cleaning out the coup,
Ally’s playing in her room, she’s brushing Dolly’s hair.
Judy’s splashing in the bathtub, waters everywhere.

Mom and Daddy knew one day they’d have to say goodbye
They told their kids each single day that they were loved and why
And then one day their kids were grown with houses of their own.
So Mom and Daddy just smiled.

Fault

The other day I woke up to find
The room the same, but something changed
Emotions mixed up all thoughts rearranged
If you could have seen me you’d think me deranged
Clear the cobwebs from my mind
All in one moment I became aware
Lay back down without a care

It was you that did this, you’re the one to blame
It was you who did this now nothings the same
And all you had to do was ask for my hand to claim

From then on with a goody smile I went about my day
I no longer care about the same things as I did before
They all went away when I found my one to adore
What happens around me I don’t care anymore
Waves can crash, all walls fall, and the boat begin to sway

It was you that did this, you’re the one to blame
It was you who did this now nothings the same
And all you had to do was ask for my hand to claim

At times I’m afraid I’ll awaken from this dream
Cause if I am asleep then I want to stay here
Where I laugh and smile because you came near
And my heart skips a beat when you call me dear
A new life will start with the two words I do
For the rest of our days I’ll blame it on you

It was you that did this, you’re the one to blame
It was you who did this now nothings the same
And all you had to do was ask for my hand to claim

You’re to blame
Nothings the same
My hand you claimed

Spinning Wheels

Spinning you wheels like a car out of control.
Trying so hard to look all ok.
Convincing the others you fit this new roll.
But what are the costs you’re willing to pay?

Your old friends are wondering what’s up with you now.
As we watch the old you disappear.
Hoping that someday you’ll come back, but how?
When you always seem so far, even when near.

Where went the dreams of which you told me?
Have you thrown them all away?
A year ago I didn’t think this is where you’d be.
Please turn around before much farther you stray.

Please

Tell me what you're thinking
Tell me what you feel
All the things you're saying
Are they even real?
Why pretend you're happy
When you're so very sad?
When put on a fake front
When you're so very mad?
I know the way to fix you
All the answers that you seek
But you choose not to hear me
You think that I am weak.
You think I am just joking
And you dont know I pray
That someday you will find Him
And the sadness go away
So Lord please tell me what to say
And tell me what to do
So one day this young friend of mine
Will give his life to you

Fading To Blue

I feel it all tumble
As my world begins to crumble
Hard to breath, can't even think
Walls close in, start to shrink
Tears are making my eyes blurry
Try to find footing, I must hurry
Things that I once thought I knew
Now all seem to fade to blue
Close my eyes and count to three
Pray back to normal soon all will be

The pain still deep...but now has changed

~@~ You Changed ~@~

The Love that I once felt for you has changed to something new.
The pain of loss has been replaced with worries now for you.
You changed so much before my eyes and with that, new emotion
Sometimes it seems you are not you, with not the same devotion
The tears at night no longer for the fact you do not know
Instead they mourn a friend so dear, who lost some of his glow
My mouth is shut, I will not say the thoughts I scream inside
Since if you heard, I do not doubt, you would run away to hide.

Voices inside like I'm never alone

Yet when they are gone I'm alright.

Soon they come back, in my mind make thier home

I feel like I'm drowning, no light.
I know I'm not crazy and will soon be okay

But the pain is so deep and the feelings are real

And simetimes one second is more like a day

Wish I could turn off and no longer feel.
Traped in my head is the way it seems

When anger and joy rule my brain

Like an old attic with cobwebs on beams

Yet then they are gone washed in rain.

To our Soldiers

Sitting here trying to hold back the tears
As I think about people who all through the years
Have braved through trails and over come fears
Those namesless figures with the unkown faces
In far away countrys and such distant places
The tankers and bobmers and hight flying aces.
These days thier faces arent namesless at all
Their Franklyn and Thomas, Joshua and Paul
All people who heard it and answered the call
My family, my neighbors, best friends, new brothers
Who'd all be home safe if I had my drothers
Though I hear them saying, just like many others
"I'm needed here now, Lord please protect me.
Never forget us when down on your knee
Someday I'll be home, when these people are free."
They come back as men, though the left us as boys
Not soon gone the days, of playing with toys
The laughter and singing replaced by the noise
Of loud gunshots ringing, of fires and pain
Homesickness and sadness all for the gain
To make sure the others died not in vain
Lord give them courage, and strenghthen each hear
tThough from all thier families, they are now apart
Help those that love You, show how great though art
Be with my friends, God, who fight now for You.
Remind them in Your name, all things they must do.
And make sure they know, that we love them too


2am July 14th

Still Hurt

In dreams we see in dreams we do
Yet when we wake they're gone
Night by ngiht we fall asleep
Forever they will go on
Why is it hard just to stand
Yet easy so to fall
Why when dreams can hurt so bad
Do we dream at all?
Yet bigger still the question is
Why do I let it bother
Since months ago I thought it done
I'd given it to the Father.

Amy Carmichael 1867-1951

From prayer that asks that I may be
Sheltered from winds that beat on Thee,
From fearing when I should aspire,
From faltering when I should climb higher,
From silken self, O Captain, free
Thy soldier who would follow Thee.
From subtle love of softening things,
From easy choices, weakenings,
(Not thus are spirits fortified,
Not this way went the Crucified,)
From all that dims Thy Calvary,
O Lamb of God, deliver me
.Give me the love that leads the way,
The faith that nothing can dismay
The hope no disappointments tire
The passion that will burn like fire,
Let me not sink to be a clod:Make me
Thy fuel, Flame of God.

In this world I walk alone

with no place to call my home

But there’s One who holds my hand

on the rugged road through barren lands

The way is dark, the road is steep

but He’s become my eyes to see

Strength to climb, my grief to bear

the Savior lives inside me there

In Your love I find release,

a haven from my unbelief

Take my life and let me be

a living prayer, my God to Thee

Through these trials of life I find

another voice inside my mind

It comforts me and bids me live

inside the love the Father gives

In Your love I find release,

a haven from my unbelief

Take my life and let me be

a living prayer, my God to Thee

Take my life and let me be

a living prayer, my God to Thee

People say there is a spot

Somewhere deep in each girls heart

To fill, I wonder, if it is allot

How do I know when I've found that part

As a child things seemed so easy

He would come and spot would fill

Has that happened and why I feel queasy

Is it time to know and why I feel ill

Is that spot going to go away

Have I now found that magic key

Why still not a question no light or ray

Until all is open and known to me

For guidance I pray and hold to hope

Please grant the wish now written in pen

The strength shall I have to with truth cope

Pray I shall do and wait I must, till then

I don't know

And don't like how that feels

I don't know

Maybe it isn't real

I don't know

Makes me sick inside

I don't know

Want to run and hide

I don't know

Is it all in my head?

I don't know

But it's late, time for bed.

In my dreams it all comes true

For in my dreams you love me too

In my dreams the pain is gone

Dreams all fade with coming dawn

All my dreams are filled with joy

Its because of that one boy

While my days are filled with sorrow

There is hope yet for tomorow.

I lost my one true love today and he didnt say goodbye.

I should not be surprised by this, since he never did say Hi

In my dreams I planned a life of which he never knew

And now it seems that all those dreams, never shall come true.

Oh How quickly prayers can change

And how wide the pleas do range

First I prayed Lord let it be

Please Lord Please let it be me

Then I prayed Lord let me know

Tell me please which way to go

Then it was Oh Please Lord No

Do not say that it is so

Now I ask Lord fix my heart

Mend the seams now torn apart

Song challege given by my sis.

The challenge was to hash lines from a selection of 14 songs together, to form a new something. Here are the three I have done so far:



How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad
To make you make the call, that
There is no Arizona No pained desert,no Sedona
If there was
I was trapped in a castle tower
Locked up in chains
I waited for my prince to save me
Dancing on the tightrope, wearing it thin
That's what I had in mind,
When I said
I'm trapped inside this ordinary life
I was never really breathing My heart was never really beating
That's how you know
You're dodging the moon and I'm playing it safe
And in this labyrinth, where night is blindY
ou make time stand still .....
And I'm loving every minute



And with that first kiss I felt my life beginning
Anywhere at all There's nothing I've got that I wouldn't give
The house is filled with so much love
It was just another story written on the second page
There's going to be a little one and she says it's time to go
That's how you know it's love
So thankful for every day
And after everything that comes and goes around
The world starts to spin again, you learn things you didn’t know then
Cling to the Father and his Holy name



He promised her a new and better life,out in Arizona
But he never came
He's there
Stand in the eye of the hurricane
Sounds like a scene from the silver screen
There's a long black train comin' down the line
And the world stopped spinning
The courage of just 18 years
Take the very breath you gave me
These times are troubled and these times are good
But I can't do this anymore
And no matter how I try
Dancing on the tightrope, wearing it thin
How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad

"Days" by Carm H

Days can trickle

Days can flow

Days can saunter

But all will go.

"True" Ryan Cabrara

I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
That you belong with me
You might think I don't look
But deep inside the corner of my mind
I'm attatched to you
mmmm
I'm weak, it's true
Cause I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cause my heart keeps falling faster
[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
You don't know what you do
Everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move
I'm weak, it's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?
[Chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
I know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
The way that's true
[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

Song "Falling into Love" sung by Dana Glover

Hold on my heart

Remember what you've been through

Be still my soul

And let yourself be renewed

You've been here before

So tell me what i must do

Don't lose your way'

Cause I'm following after you

And it feels like Im falling into love

ICan't believe what i feel like

Falling into love

I'm falling into love

Why do I smile when there's no one else around

These butterflies well they can't seem to settle down

Oh it feels like I'm falling Into love I

Can't believe what I feel like

Falling into love

Oh it feels like I'm falling for the first time

I can't believe that its real life

I'm falling into love

Oh I'm falling in to loveIf

I am dreaming please let me never awake

la la la la

And it feels like I'm falling into love

I Can't believe what i feel like

I'm falling into love

Oh It feels like I'm falling for the first time

I can't believe this love is real I.

.I'm falling into love

I'm falling into love yea

Falling into love

Falling in falling in falling in

I'm falling into love